Cleaning and Fingerprinting / "To Do" List for Thursday through Sunday

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Melinda and I got our fingerprints done for our FBI background checks on Tuesday and Wednesday respectively.

Melinda did some serious cleaning up from this weekend on Tuesday and Wednesday she got the "child's room" closet cleaned out (amazingly enough) and scheduled quite a few final appointments that we needed.

We got in the mail our "Finding Nemo" vinyl static-cling stickers for the sliding glass doors that lead to the pool (so no one slams into them thinking they are open - hey, it happens!). Amazon.com delivered our books: "Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control" by Heather Forbes (the first volume that goes with our already purchased Volume II); "Dare to Love" by the same author; "How Do Dinosaurs Say Goodnight" and a few other big picture reading books in that same series. We really liked the three we have and will likely get several more.

When talking to the Deputy Fire Marshal, Melinda found out that the fire extinguisher that we just purchased was the wrong type and that we need two MORE smoke detectors (back to the store!). Those items along with many more will be setup, installed, etc. this weekend.

Also on the Team Nelson "To Do" list BEFORE Monday:

• Clean the garage (actually not as scary as it sounds, we have been chipping away at it for quite some time and it isn't that bad)
• Buy and set up another Black and Decker storage closet in the garage (with a lock) - we need this to lock up ALL the tools that could harm a child
• Install child-proof latches and magnetic locks throughout the house (already taken care of all the electrical sockets, surge protectors, etc.)
• Buy 15 MORE storage bins for all the things we are pulling out of the closets that now need to be stored in the attic (we should have a few of these left over, but we just wanted to make sure we had enough)
• Put all the newly-filled bins in the attic
• Buy a whole new door knob with key lock (and install it) for the washer and dryer room - this lets us store our detergent and fabric softener in the same room; otherwise we would have to lock it up in the garage!
• Remove one hanging light that seems oddly placed in the sun room
• Replace an old ceiling fan with a new one we bought a few weeks ago, but never installed
• Install child-proof locks on the sliding glass doors - this may be the most challenging thing
• Hang the broom / tool organizer in the garage
• Clean the bottom of the pool
• Lay the 8' x 10' black rug that we took out of the study and put it in the media room - this is actually a quite welcome addition to the room since it will match perfectly and make the cold tile (that is across 100% of the entire house) a bit warmer
• Set up the wireless printer again - I had it working fine, then took it to a tournament and now it will only connect when attached with a USB cable (I am sure it is fine, it just needs to be re-synced to our network) - this may have to wait
• Create a floor plan and evacuation plan
• Create house rules
• Check our entire house with a toilet paper tube - if it fits though the tube, it could choke a child and has to be put out of reach of a 3-year-old (yes, that is technically the standard!)
• Buy MORE travel locks to lock everything
• Get Ms. Potato Head (Mr. Potato Head was getting lonely) and other miscellaneous baby-related household stuff
• Get a buoy or safety throw for the pool - we already have a "reach pole" but need another device as well
• Install / fix the fence gates so they automatically close and latch (huge safety thing)
• Get central heating inspection scheduled and done
• Stop the minor (but annoying) washing machine connection leak

Lots of stuff, but I think we can do it all!

Medical Test / Shop / Set Up Playroom

Monday, January 25, 2010

Blogging by Jack:

Finally getting caught up on the blog.

I had a medical test in the morning. I was told that I might have adverse effects from the testing that lasted the whole day, so I took the entire day off instead of the original 1/2 day that I really wanted to take. I am trying very hard not to use up all my vacation and sick days, but these tests can never seem to be after school or on the holidays I need them to be.

SO... when we finished the test (Melinda went with me and was reading our mandatory reading book, "The Connected Child" in the lobby), we decided to look at a baby store that Melinda had been told to check out before heading home to work on the house. We went to a small baby boutique called "Right Start" in Dallas. They had some unique-looking items that we needed anyway, so we got them.

As we were going home, we stopped by "Buy Buy Baby" http://www.buybuybaby.com/. VERY COOL. It was better than Toys-R-Us or Babies-R-Us (which we have visited several times) and much cheaper than either store. It was warehouse prices but with a huge variety and selection of any item. Not one or two brands of bottles and one or two nipple sizes in those brands, but a boatload of options with every size nipple and plenty of them. Additionally, there were dozens of car seats (maybe over 100). We chose the Advent bottle system ("Thank you, Alison") with the 2-minute sterilization cleaning setup. Forget Wal-Mart, Target or any of the other stores. If you see a Buy Buy Baby, stop and check it out.

Some of the things we bought Sunday and Monday include:

• Dr. Seuss books (several of the big classics)
• A Disney anthology of 22 stories with plenty of pictures -- all the big movies from Little Mermaid to Mulan to Pinocchio
• Fischer Price Little People Farm (like the classic ones, except all plastic and the Little People are slightly bigger so that kids have a harder time trying to choke themselves on them)
• Mr. Potatohead
• Gund Teddy Bear  - gotta have one of these!
• Diaper machine like a Diaper Genie, but, by many accounts, substantially better -- the "bags" are a lot less expensive, too
• An art table (that kids can write on with dry erase markers) and four chairs
• "Sippy" cups, spoons, etc.
• Forehead thermometer that also checks the temperature of food and bath water plus a whole baby medical kit

After arriving home, we started the major redecoration of the house. We moved out everything from the study except the over-stuffed leather chair (that will be our "reading corner" chair) and the hall tree (which we still need to move). We moved most of the other items from that room throughout the house including the 8' x 10' beautiful black rug, but we still are scratching our heads on some things. As part of the process, we switched the low black china cabinet from the kitchen for the tall, very, very heavy dark wood tall china cabinet in the study. This was quite a feat for the surgery-recovering Jack, plus Melinda, but we made it happen. Yea, Team Nelson!

Once we put everything in the cabinet (which included vintage books from Melinda's and Jack's childhood), it started to look like a playroom. The BIG thing we need now is a large, fun rug. We have several designs we like. We also eventually need new curtains and built-in bookshelves. We plan to get canned lights installed overhead. This study has a very high arch in the center and no lights -- just plugs that have a light switch on the wall. We had an electrician scheduled a week or so ago, but the electricity went out temporarily with a storm that blew through hours before he arrived and we cancelled him. Of course right after that the lights came back on, so now we have to reschedule him.

We still need lots of wall decorations, a new paint job to more fun colors and maybe some small furniture. Many things may wait until we have a child or two actually there, but we want to be all prepared and make the room inviting.

AFTER we do this room, we will concentrate on the baby's room and the child's room (two different rooms).

Cleaning Out the Attic

Sunday, January 24, 2010

This was not a fun day at all, but we were very productive and got done what we needed to do.

We had many boxes in storage for about a year-and-a-half prior to moving to Richardson last August. We had opened the majority of them, but, like most other humans who hate this stuff, there were some 20 or so boxes that we never really got to since they were labeled items for storage (or other unimportant things). When we moved in, we just kind of tossed them in the attic with a mental note to "get back to them."

With the need to put MORE stuff in the attic (which thanks to Dad and Erich we built out a flooring the day before we moved in), we decided we HAD to get up there and take care of everything. We also made it a priority to put everything in large Rubbermaid-type storage bins with lids to keep everything a bit more secure and stack everything a bit better. We had seen tubs on sale for $3.40 each at Wal-Mart, so we bought 22 of those (we had already bought several the week prior for Christmas storage) PLUS we bought five extra large ones that were not so inexpensive, but we knew we needed them.

We cleaned out 10 large (44 gallon), heavy-duty trash bags worth of old papers and stuff we did not need plus several other large boxes worth of stuff that we are donating to charity. We now have almost every single item in the attic in neat boxes! Woohoo! We also put up all the Christmas boxes that Melinda has been very patiently waiting on (since I could not lift them due to surgery December 21st). In actuality, my doctor would have had a fit because I was really lifting items too heavy for this soon after surgery, but I was careful, Melinda did the heavy lifting where she could and we got it all done. We spent most of the day going up and down the attic and living up there (except for a short trip to get MORE storage bins).

After all that, we had no energy to do anything else and just chilled out until we fell asleep. This was a big step in getting everything prepared for the kids.

Mark another item off the never-ending "to do" list.

Scarlett even tried to help.

Last FULL DAY Foster and Adoption Training

Saturday, January 23, 2010 

Saturday was another all day training at Covenant Kids in Arlington. This is the last day of the mandatory training that is required by both the State of Texas and Covenant Kids. Today's topics included:

• Major physical and mental illnesses of foster kids and treatments (medicines, what they do and how to log them)
• CPR and Choking First-Aid
• Other first-aid
• Multi-cultural education

All were very practical and useful.

On Tuesday or Thursday, we decided that we wanted to celebrate finishing the last mandatory class, so we set reservations for this day at The Melting Pot, which is a fondue restaurant.

Saturday, we enjoyed our fine dining meal, albeit in our t-shirts and jeans, with cheddar cheese fondue (with veggies, bread chunks, etc.), a salad, vegetable broth fondue (with steak, chicken, potatoes, shrimp, etc.) and then the always anticipated "original" chocolate and peanut butter fondue (with strawberries, bananas, marshmallows, etc.). They prepare the cheese and chocolate fondues at the table. Very decadent and very tasty!

Team Nelson has completed another milestone on the way to adoption. Still lots of inspections, paperwork, the big HOME STUDY and more that we need to do (like install safety locks on the sliding glass doors).

Adoption Readiness Assessment

Friday, January 22, 2010

No, we did not get the night off. We got the "Adoption Readiness Assessment" last night, that means we get to answer 19 more questions! These questions included:

• Infertility
• Relationship Issues (e.g. "Do you and your spouse feel the same way about your desire to adopt a child? Briefly support your answer.")
• General Adoption Questions (e.g. "Describe your concept of the “ideal” adoption experience?")
• Adoption Disruptions (e.g. "What possible factors do you foresee that would cause you to “disrupt” and adoptive placement after you had legally finalized the adoption and Covenant Kids was no longer involved with your family?")
• Special Needs Adoptions (e.g. "How do your friends and family feel about your desire to adopt a “special needs child?”)
• Open Adoption (e.g. To what degree are you willing to provide an “Open Adoption?”
• Adoption Cover Story (what we say to people who ask us about our foster care children or adopted children)
• Transracial Adoptions (e.g. "How will your adoptive child learn about his or her own racial or ethnic heritage, history, and customs?")

It really takes quite a while to answer these. On everything we fill out, Melinda and I work independently (and not group think). Our answers are quite different. When we hit questions about general discipline and how we would handle particular problems, we DID work together since as a team we would be enforcing discipline in the same way.

We really wanted these done on Friday since anything we turn in by Saturday (or more specifically Monday morning) gets worked on that week. We know that the sooner all our paperwork is in, the sooner we can get the home study done!

The Adoption Process (As We Understand It)

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Jack is bloggin' in the house!

Thursday means another meeting at Covenant Kids. We had a great meal before and the class was our most interesting. Of course foster/adoptive parents need all these classes and all were happy to take them, but this night's topic was specifically "Adoption."

We normally get packets of information, but also this time we got another 19-question "Adoption Readiness Assessment." See Friday for questions.

What made this so interesting is that this is the only time you get to see the actual timeline of what happens to get you certified, then a child(ren) placed and then adopted. You can read all the books you want and none of them can tell you this because the exact process is unique to your agency (in our case Covenant Kids), unique to your state and unique to even your region. This let us see all the parts together. The one slide that summarized everything was, "Wait!"

Here is the official process as I understand it.

AFTER we have submitted every bit of paperwork and AFTER we finish classes and we have our "home study" done (which is after the fingerprint FBI checks, the health inspection, the safety inspection, the TB test, the doctor's verification of health....) THEN the real process of waiting really hits.

A. We wait for a call that a child(ren) is available whether an emergency placement at 3:00 in the morning or a planned removal from the home for confirmed reports of abuse or neglect.

OR

B. We get our name submitted for possible adoptions where either the parental rights have been terminated or termination is imminent and the judge wants to move the child into a foster-to-adopt home (yea!). It is very important to understand that even though these are called "low-risk" foster-to-adopt placements (because of the probability of that the reunification with parents will NOT happen -- thus open it up for adoption) the process is not final until the courts declare that the child is officially open for adoption. (Wait!)

If "B" occurs then our name, "home study" and "profile," along with up to 150 others or more (although usually much less) are reviewed by a panel consisting of Child Protection Agency (CPS) workers and others who decide who the final three picks are. (Wait!)

THEN, if we made the cut for the final three, our Covenant Kids (CK) Case Manager goes in and advocates for us. Basically they pitch our story and why we are the perfect match for this child(ren). (Wait!)

THEN if we get picked, we get to see the case file on the child(ren) and discuss it. There is a 50% chance that we will not even get to see a picture of the child at this point -- everything is decided from just the records. The ball is our court at this time and there is a 48 hour window (I think) where you either accept or decline the placement.

THEN you make at least two separate visits to the child in the current foster home (Wait!)

THEN the child comes home with you for one night (Wait!)

THEN if everything went well, the child is adoptively placed in your home for a minimum of six months while they are still legally in the custody of the state (Wait!)

Once we have a child, the first goal of foster care process is reunification of the child with the parents (so we wait to see if that goes smoothly). This is for Plan A only. If adoptively placed, then reunification efforts would have already been over!

IF "A" occurs (way up there at the top) then you immediately become foster parents AND get "dibs" on the kids when they come open for adoption. However, here is the sticky part with foster-care...

The parent gets a minimum of 12 months to make sufficient progress on his or her plans with the idea of reunification with the child. (Wait!)

THEN if the parent is making sufficient progress, but needs more time to meet all the demands of the court, he or she gets ANOTHER six months (Wait!)

IF "A" or "B" above happens:

THEN if 12 months go by (or 18 months if an extension was granted) and the judge decides to terminate the rights of the child, the parents still get ANOTHER 30 days to appeal the decision and any relative of the child gets 90 days to appeal the decision. (Wait! Wait!)

ALMOST THERE, after all that, the child is completely cleared for adoption. We would set a court date (which would likely be National Adoption Day which is VERY, VERY cool - thank you Karen Robinson for introducing us to that last year) and the adoption would be finalized.

FINALLY the child is ours, the birth certificate is actually changed (which seems a bit odd), the child's name is legally changed to ours and he and/or she is part of Team Nelson!

That is called "homecoming day" and will be celebrated!

28 Multi-Part, Open-Ended Questions

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

We worked for many, many long hours to finish off the main interview questions. We want to turn this in at the Thursday night class (and we have to leave directly from my school to get to Arlington in time to eat before the class). This is a set of 28 multi-part, open-ended questions. As you will see, they get into the details of your life very fast (for the sake of maintaining the propriety of questions for Covenant Kids, I will only list a sample).

• What do you think it takes to be a Foster/Adoptive Parent?
• Have you ever been abused or neglected? If so, please tell us about your experience. How have you healed?
• What is your philosophy on discipline?
• Are you and your spouse able to have biological children? How has this affected your relationship? Your family? What are your plans for expanding your family?
• ...have you and your spouse ever considered divorce or separation...
• What will be your biggest challenge in providing foster/adoptive care?

This, plus I finished reading, "The Connected Child." I would highly recommend it to anyone with difficult children.

Paperwork, Paperwork, Paperwork

Monday, January 18, 2010

We had an 8 hour class Pre-Service class on Saturday…lots of interesting topics!

Following church on Sunday we both started reading our assigned books. After a few hours of reading, we packed a picnic dinner and grabbed Scarlett and went to the drive-in movie. It was fun to laugh and talk about the future as well as watch a double feature.

Jack is still under doctor’s orders not to lift anything over 5 pounds so while I thought we would spend the day organizing the attic, moving cabinets around and putting locks on the outside gates…. we spent all day today working on paperwork to turn in this week. Pictures of the house, pictures of our family, scans of our marriage license, Jack’s divorce degree, Scarlett’s shot records, social security cards, auto insurance cards, life insurance, etc. etc. At least we are making some progress. I just wrote a “to do” list of this week - our final week of classes!!! Still lots of things to do, but it will all be worth it – someday.

Classes and Books

Friday, January 15, 2010

We attended our 2nd Behavior Management class last night and learned so much about how the process works for the children and for prospective foster parents. Our instructor, Shawn, was helpful in pointing out signs we need to be on the lookout for. We turned in our paperwork for our initial background checks which must be completed before our FBI fingerprint checks. We also mailed out paperwork for our family members to complete for their background checks.


Jack has started reading The Connected Child and I will start reading it tomorrow. We will pick up our additional books, Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control and The Whole Life Adoption Book.

We still have about 2 inches worth of paperwork to complete this weekend and we have a lengthy honey-do list of chores to complete. Thankfully we have Monday off! I’ll post our weekend accomplishments on Monday evening.

Classes and Paperwork

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Last night we attended a pre-service 1 class with about 30 other families from all over the Metroplex. It was wonderful to meet couples that are going thru this process together, we joked on the way home that over ½ of the families included at least one pastor, youth minister or theologian and the other half included a nurse or someone with medical training. We are just a teacher and a performing arts consultant (at least our children will be educated and cultured)! We received more paperwork to fill out and were encouraged to read three books (which for those of you who know us - Jack will totally enjoy - any project requires at least 3 books)!


The pool has passed inspection – at least from the pool company. The nice people a Gabe’s Pool came out and really helped me and inspected everything to ensure that it is safe. A huge thank you to Joel!

Our Family Recruitment Specialist, Kallie, sent us a zip file today of additional paperwork that will take us several days to complete, but this will help us get a jump start on our background checks which need to be completed prior to the FBI check. We also learned that we need to get a copy of our driving records to include with our marriage license, birth certificates, Jack’s divorce decree, proof of insurance and Scarlett’s vaccination records, am I forgetting anything? The Nelson binder is growing daily.

Each week we will get additional paperwork to prepare us for the home study. We still have lots to do around the house (just thankful to cross off the pool). I will post additional pictures over the weekend.

On a side note, Jack’s robotics team 888G was recognized by the RISD school board Monday night for winning the WOC Robotics Competition in October and qualifying for the World Championship in April. Congrats to Jack and his team.

Gathering Supplies...

Sunday, January 10, 2010

We are getting organized and making the house safe for our growing family. Up and early on Saturday with a list about 3 pages long. Our first stop was Babies 'R Us, to do a bit of research and get more safety gadgets. We also wanted to learn more about car seats, strollers, video monitors etc. Very overwhelming, much more online research to do (sometimes I wish I was more like my sister - she is brilliant at researching). Two and half hours later we decided it was time for a late lunch, our brains we fried.

After lunch we went to Home Depot, Lowe's and Wal-Mart, comparing prices on garage storage items, fire extinguishers, smoke detectors, sliding door locks and storage cabinets. After a long afternoon we came home excited about the accomplishments and ready to start assembling items on Sunday.

After church this morning it was back to Lowe's for a few items we neglected to pick up. When we came home I suddenly remembered that we needed drawers and closet space set aside exclusively for foster children. Our guest rooms do not have chest of drawers so it was off to the Container Store for an Elfa Drawer Unit.

Once home (again) we assembled the garage storage cabinet, installed a smoke detector and replaced light bulbs (they all just happened to burn out this weekend). We will spend the next few weeks on more projects to prepare for the home study.

It was a great weekend! We laughed and cried, talked about the future and planned out the next week. Scarlett is still a bit confused about all this, but is just happy we are all home on this cold night.

                The garage storage unit.

The Elfa Unit.

We are Really Doing This!

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Tonight we bought our first baby item - a Pack 'N Play so we have a place for a baby to sleep if we get that middle of the night call.  It was so exciting setting it up in the kid's room.  Jack took some pictures (not the most attractive of me, I will plan better in the future). 

We also bought the safety plugs and cord protectors as we begin to check things of our checklist.  This weekend will be full of projects and honey do's. 

My shadow Scarlett was a big help!

Meeting with Covenant Kids

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

After several months of discussions and the "should we, shouldn't we", we decided that foster-to-adopt will help us to grow our family.  We met with Covenant Kids and asked them to be our advocate as we begin the foster/adopting journey. We start our classes on Thursday and attend 3 times a week for the next several weeks.  Following our parenting classes, we begin the home study.  Last night we reviewed the "fire prevention, environmental health, home environment, infant/toddler and pool /bodies of water safety checklist" and will begin to make the necessary changes over the next 30 days.