Tuesday, November 29, 2011
5 of the 6 lawyers were absent, including the CPS lawyer, the mother's lawyer, A's father lawyer, the Ad Litem lawyer that is supposed to represent the children, and even the assigned Assistant District Attorney.
A substitute Assistant District Attorney (D.A.) stepped in to "prove up" the case before Judge Cherry in the 301st Court in downtown Dallas. The assigned attorney that represents X's father was there as was the CPS case worker (Go, Jackie!), the birth mother, A's birth father, the maternal grandmother and Melinda and myself.
All of us chatted before the event and a bit afterwards (although the A's birth father remains quiet most of the time). We all got called before the judge (except the grandmother) and got sworn in. The D.A. read through what this court date was for (the termination of the parental rights plus the mediated settlement from November 2, 2011) and then asked us all yes and no questions confirming that we understood the parts of the agreement (all correct answers were "yes.") Judge Cherry asked a few similar questions, rendered her opinion (she agreed with everything) and then asked if the court petition was written up and available for her to sign. It was not since this was a substitute D.A., so she asked if it could be sent to her for execution (signing) by December 28th. The D.A. said he would pass that along so it could be done by then.
It is important to note that until the agreement is executed by the judge, CPS only has Temporary Managing Conservatorship. In order for the clock to start on the 90-days we have to wait, CPS must have Permanent Managing Conservatorship and that can't happen until this order is signed sometime in December. Of course that now means it will probably be late March or even early April before we can adopt.
Nothing changes day-to-day, so there is no huge rush, it just seems par for the course that this case has NEVER had a court date or hearing where everything went smoothly or even resembled what was expected!
We live day-to-day loving A and X and nothing will change that - certainly not the delay today.
Post-Thanksgiving at The Farm (Alex and Erich Included) / Christmas Shopping
Friday, November 25 - Sunday, November 27, 2011
It took a little while to pack our luggage, plus over an hour to get the valet and bellhop to leave the Gaylord Texan. After making it back to our house in Nanny's car, Nanny headed back to Nacogdoches. Melinda and I then transferred the kids to our car and turned on a video. They were content.
We then spent 10 minutes repacking (taking time out for a bathroom break and to feed the turtle, Speedy). We had planned the transition out pretty well several days before and had most of the stuff packed ahead of time (except what we needed to transfer from the bags from the hotel).
We just ate snacks in the car because we knew we would arrive at the Lilbert farm of Grandma and Papa's about 2:30 PM. Once arriving, we ate some tasty ham sandwiches to stay us until the Thanksgiving feast later that night. Alex and Erich arrived at the farm soon after and got to play with A and X for awhile. While we talk with Alex and Erich pretty regularly on the phone, I finally got some face-to-face time with them.
For dinner, we had the traditional roasted turkey, stuffing, dressing, fresh mashed potatoes, gravy, corn, peas, fruit salad,rolls, etc... It was all delicious and we fell asleep soon afterwards while watching either football or basketball games.
Saturday was a lot of lounging in one room or the other while everyone spent some fun time with A and X. Alex and Erich really seem to really enjoy the time with their future little brothers and I know A and X have a blast!
This day, the weather was not what we would have liked. It was cold and rainy and our one big objective (besides getting to visit with and relax on The Farm with family) was to get a special picture made with Alex, Erich. X, A, Melinda and myself. We will use this picture in March when we adopt.
It is sometimes very hard for Alex and Erich to meet with us and the only time we knew we could have all six of us was either now or for three hours on Christmas day (we have a hectic Christmas holiday travel schedule this year). It was putting a lot of eggs in one basket if the photo on December 25th did not turn out, so this was "Plan A" and Christmas day was "Plan B."
Dad took a couple dozen photos in a row using our camera. Despite the cold wet ground, freezing cold wind and all the while dodging the cow patties (did I mention we are barefooted in the shot), Dad got the shot. Literally, I was shooing cows away from the photo site seconds before the shot and the area where we ideally would have stood (several feet further back) would have been ankle deep in soft mud and cow "droppings" - no one agreed to that!
We will post the picture on this blog right after we adopt A and X in early March and it will be the first ever Internet photo of them (since we still cannot legally publish their names or images until then). This will be our "Forever Family" picture with all six of us!
Alex and Erich left very soon afterwards since Erich was scheduled to work most of the day Sunday in The Woodlands (three hours away). The rest of us spent the night, but, after getting to "drive" the tractor with Papa on Sunday morning, we also had to leave. We still needed to get a few Christmas presents (while the big post-Thanksgiving day sales were still on) and we have to recover and clean up from the last 5 days of travel.
Tomorrow (Monday) the CPS case work comes by for her monthly check-in and to discuss what we can expect Tuesday afternoon when we go to court (related to the mediated agreement we signed several weeks ago). Additionally, we have the City Health Inspector coming on Tuesday morning so that we can keep licensed for foster care (which is obviously very important).
Fortunately, we were very productive when we got home and now Melinda has minimal to do on Monday to get ready (which is good since she also has a very busy schedule even without the CPS visit).
Overall, an excellent 2 1/2 days with Nanny and Melinda's family, followed by another 2 1/2 days with my family. There was a lot of Thanks Giving this year!
It took a little while to pack our luggage, plus over an hour to get the valet and bellhop to leave the Gaylord Texan. After making it back to our house in Nanny's car, Nanny headed back to Nacogdoches. Melinda and I then transferred the kids to our car and turned on a video. They were content.
We then spent 10 minutes repacking (taking time out for a bathroom break and to feed the turtle, Speedy). We had planned the transition out pretty well several days before and had most of the stuff packed ahead of time (except what we needed to transfer from the bags from the hotel).
We just ate snacks in the car because we knew we would arrive at the Lilbert farm of Grandma and Papa's about 2:30 PM. Once arriving, we ate some tasty ham sandwiches to stay us until the Thanksgiving feast later that night. Alex and Erich arrived at the farm soon after and got to play with A and X for awhile. While we talk with Alex and Erich pretty regularly on the phone, I finally got some face-to-face time with them.
For dinner, we had the traditional roasted turkey, stuffing, dressing, fresh mashed potatoes, gravy, corn, peas, fruit salad,rolls, etc... It was all delicious and we fell asleep soon afterwards while watching either football or basketball games.
Saturday was a lot of lounging in one room or the other while everyone spent some fun time with A and X. Alex and Erich really seem to really enjoy the time with their future little brothers and I know A and X have a blast!
This day, the weather was not what we would have liked. It was cold and rainy and our one big objective (besides getting to visit with and relax on The Farm with family) was to get a special picture made with Alex, Erich. X, A, Melinda and myself. We will use this picture in March when we adopt.
It is sometimes very hard for Alex and Erich to meet with us and the only time we knew we could have all six of us was either now or for three hours on Christmas day (we have a hectic Christmas holiday travel schedule this year). It was putting a lot of eggs in one basket if the photo on December 25th did not turn out, so this was "Plan A" and Christmas day was "Plan B."
Dad took a couple dozen photos in a row using our camera. Despite the cold wet ground, freezing cold wind and all the while dodging the cow patties (did I mention we are barefooted in the shot), Dad got the shot. Literally, I was shooing cows away from the photo site seconds before the shot and the area where we ideally would have stood (several feet further back) would have been ankle deep in soft mud and cow "droppings" - no one agreed to that!
We will post the picture on this blog right after we adopt A and X in early March and it will be the first ever Internet photo of them (since we still cannot legally publish their names or images until then). This will be our "Forever Family" picture with all six of us!
Alex and Erich left very soon afterwards since Erich was scheduled to work most of the day Sunday in The Woodlands (three hours away). The rest of us spent the night, but, after getting to "drive" the tractor with Papa on Sunday morning, we also had to leave. We still needed to get a few Christmas presents (while the big post-Thanksgiving day sales were still on) and we have to recover and clean up from the last 5 days of travel.
Tomorrow (Monday) the CPS case work comes by for her monthly check-in and to discuss what we can expect Tuesday afternoon when we go to court (related to the mediated agreement we signed several weeks ago). Additionally, we have the City Health Inspector coming on Tuesday morning so that we can keep licensed for foster care (which is obviously very important).
Fortunately, we were very productive when we got home and now Melinda has minimal to do on Monday to get ready (which is good since she also has a very busy schedule even without the CPS visit).
Overall, an excellent 2 1/2 days with Nanny and Melinda's family, followed by another 2 1/2 days with my family. There was a lot of Thanks Giving this year!
Patty and Gary's Birthday Patry / Pictures with Santa Claus! / Shrek Ice / Kung Fu Panda Awesome Snow Tubing
Thursday, November 24, 2011 (The Afternoon and Evening)
Patti and Gary's Birthday
The whole reason we came to the Gaylord Texan was for Patti and Gary's birthday party. There were lots of relatives - most of whom we had seen or met the night before - plus a few others we had yet to meet or see this visit. There were nicely-decorated, large, round tables with turkey placeholders showing us where we were to sit. The buffet dinner that Gary and Patti provided was incredible. We had turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, steam vegetables, rolls and much more. As a joke, we had canned cranberries (complete with can rings still showing). We also had desserts and party favors. All the food (other than the cranberries that Tiffany brought) was, of course, catered by the Gaylord Texan and cooked perfectly. Way to go Patti and Gary!
As the party itself was wrapping up, each family or group went down the hall to have their pictures professionally made, Patti and Gary had hired a professional photographer to come in, set up and take our photos in whatever groupings we wanted. At 1:45 we all got together for one big photo that we are looking forward to seeing. This was a very nice and unique touch to a birthday party that really served as a reunion for most of these families.
When all the pictures were taken and the impromptu "Duck, Duck, Goose" was over (which included 2-years-olds to 70-year-olds and was hilarious), the five of us slowly returned to our room through the grand atrium.
Pictures with Santa Claus
We had seen that Santa had come to the Gaylord Texan and was taking pictures with children on his lap and decided to take the opportunity to get a shot with him. Noticing that the line to visit him was short, we rushed up and changed into our special Christmas pajamas that we wore on the Polar Express just a few days before. Let's just say that Santa looked MUCH better tonight than on the Polar Express (where he must have had a "bad hair and beard day"). In fact, Melinda and I agreed that Santa looked his best EVER (including when he has visited other high-end malls and events). Unbelievably, there was only ONE other person in line ahead of us and we waited less than a minute before X and A were able to sit on Santa's lap. Try waiting only one minute at the local mall! The photographers were all very professional and coaxed out some great photos with the two boys on his lap. We were exceptionally happy with the results. Of course, the kids were very excited!
After the Santa visit, we got balloon figures made by a roving clown and toured the atrium once more, going a little deeper this time to explore new decorated areas including a huge, real gingerbread house and plenty more trains. We meandered back to the room and decided to take a short nap (less than an hour) to get ready for what we called, "Shrek Ice."
ICE! featuring DreamWorks’ Shrek the Halls
I believe that everyone from the entire party made reservations to see this unique event, with most of us going to the 5:00 PM start time. It starts with 10-minute video explaining how this annual ice-carving tradition came to the Gaylord Texan http://www.gaylordhotels.com/gaylord-texan/lone-star-christmas/ice-experience/making-of-ice.html?intcmp-gt-pl=cnav-cid=LSC and then we enter a room where we were fitted with long, warm coats. We had already gotten all bundled up with our own gear, but when standing in a 9 degree room (yes, you read that right) for any length of time, you want multiple layers. It was an incredible experience. ALMOST everyone had a blast. Poor little A was already bundled up and then adding this extra layer just made it near impossible for him to move. On top of that, he had a very short nap (and needed another hour or more), so he was less-than-happy. As a result, we traveled through a bit quicker than we would have liked, but we got to see everything and have some very interesting pictures.
One of the fun but odd things we got to do was to go down ice slides. X could go down the big slides (and did a couple of times), but A could only go down the small slide and just was not in the mood.
Right before entering the exhibit we took a group photo of X, A, Melinda, Jack and Nanny. We had basically written off the photos because A was not very happy even about taking the photos. When we exited, we decided to check them out. Surprisingly, it turned out pretty good, so we bought two 6" x 8" ones. We returned the huge Gaylord Texan coats and took off the ones we brought and immediately A started to feel better.
After leaving Shrek Ice, we walked to the next convention hall room and saw the indoor snow tubing!
Kung Fu Panda Awesome Snow Tubing
While we had planned all along to go on this, we were not sure how appropriate it would be for a 3-year-old and a 5-year-old until we actually saw it. Immediately, we knew it was what we wanted (and what A needed after such a miserable visit at the Shrek Ice).
While Melinda and Nanny watched our big pile of coats, out a bit before eating out at the Texan Station with all the family for one last time.
Final Dinner with Most of the Families
We went back to our rooms and changed clothes yet again (1. from bedtime clothes into swim suits, 2. into nice clothes for the party, 3. into pajamas for the Santa picture, 4. into our very cold-weather gear, 5. into our nice, casual clothes for the dinner). We felt like Cher in a live concert!
While some of the families had to get back sooner, we elected to spend the night and that meant we needed to eat. Of course, we wanted to be with everyone who was still there. We had cake in Patti's room and then we went back down to the Texas Station.
X loved all the attention he got when he joined the "cousins" where all the kids were under 14 and several of the girls kept him entertained. A, or course, ate with Melinda, Nanny and myself (and Patti, Gary, Marilyn and Mike at out table).
With this HUGE day behind us, we all wore out pretty quickly, so as soon as we actually ate, we headed back to the room, It did not take long for everyone to fall asleep.
The next morning we ate some snacks we brought and all drove to our home. Nanny left from our house back to hers and we left for The Farm to see Grandma and Papa!
Patti and Gary's Birthday
The whole reason we came to the Gaylord Texan was for Patti and Gary's birthday party. There were lots of relatives - most of whom we had seen or met the night before - plus a few others we had yet to meet or see this visit. There were nicely-decorated, large, round tables with turkey placeholders showing us where we were to sit. The buffet dinner that Gary and Patti provided was incredible. We had turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, steam vegetables, rolls and much more. As a joke, we had canned cranberries (complete with can rings still showing). We also had desserts and party favors. All the food (other than the cranberries that Tiffany brought) was, of course, catered by the Gaylord Texan and cooked perfectly. Way to go Patti and Gary!
As the party itself was wrapping up, each family or group went down the hall to have their pictures professionally made, Patti and Gary had hired a professional photographer to come in, set up and take our photos in whatever groupings we wanted. At 1:45 we all got together for one big photo that we are looking forward to seeing. This was a very nice and unique touch to a birthday party that really served as a reunion for most of these families.
When all the pictures were taken and the impromptu "Duck, Duck, Goose" was over (which included 2-years-olds to 70-year-olds and was hilarious), the five of us slowly returned to our room through the grand atrium.
Pictures with Santa Claus
We had seen that Santa had come to the Gaylord Texan and was taking pictures with children on his lap and decided to take the opportunity to get a shot with him. Noticing that the line to visit him was short, we rushed up and changed into our special Christmas pajamas that we wore on the Polar Express just a few days before. Let's just say that Santa looked MUCH better tonight than on the Polar Express (where he must have had a "bad hair and beard day"). In fact, Melinda and I agreed that Santa looked his best EVER (including when he has visited other high-end malls and events). Unbelievably, there was only ONE other person in line ahead of us and we waited less than a minute before X and A were able to sit on Santa's lap. Try waiting only one minute at the local mall! The photographers were all very professional and coaxed out some great photos with the two boys on his lap. We were exceptionally happy with the results. Of course, the kids were very excited!
After the Santa visit, we got balloon figures made by a roving clown and toured the atrium once more, going a little deeper this time to explore new decorated areas including a huge, real gingerbread house and plenty more trains. We meandered back to the room and decided to take a short nap (less than an hour) to get ready for what we called, "Shrek Ice."
ICE! featuring DreamWorks’ Shrek the Halls
I believe that everyone from the entire party made reservations to see this unique event, with most of us going to the 5:00 PM start time. It starts with 10-minute video explaining how this annual ice-carving tradition came to the Gaylord Texan http://www.gaylordhotels.com/gaylord-texan/lone-star-christmas/ice-experience/making-of-ice.html?intcmp-gt-pl=cnav-cid=LSC and then we enter a room where we were fitted with long, warm coats. We had already gotten all bundled up with our own gear, but when standing in a 9 degree room (yes, you read that right) for any length of time, you want multiple layers. It was an incredible experience. ALMOST everyone had a blast. Poor little A was already bundled up and then adding this extra layer just made it near impossible for him to move. On top of that, he had a very short nap (and needed another hour or more), so he was less-than-happy. As a result, we traveled through a bit quicker than we would have liked, but we got to see everything and have some very interesting pictures.
One of the fun but odd things we got to do was to go down ice slides. X could go down the big slides (and did a couple of times), but A could only go down the small slide and just was not in the mood.
Right before entering the exhibit we took a group photo of X, A, Melinda, Jack and Nanny. We had basically written off the photos because A was not very happy even about taking the photos. When we exited, we decided to check them out. Surprisingly, it turned out pretty good, so we bought two 6" x 8" ones. We returned the huge Gaylord Texan coats and took off the ones we brought and immediately A started to feel better.
After leaving Shrek Ice, we walked to the next convention hall room and saw the indoor snow tubing!
Kung Fu Panda Awesome Snow Tubing
While we had planned all along to go on this, we were not sure how appropriate it would be for a 3-year-old and a 5-year-old until we actually saw it. Immediately, we knew it was what we wanted (and what A needed after such a miserable visit at the Shrek Ice).
While Melinda and Nanny watched our big pile of coats, out a bit before eating out at the Texan Station with all the family for one last time.
Final Dinner with Most of the Families
We went back to our rooms and changed clothes yet again (1. from bedtime clothes into swim suits, 2. into nice clothes for the party, 3. into pajamas for the Santa picture, 4. into our very cold-weather gear, 5. into our nice, casual clothes for the dinner). We felt like Cher in a live concert!
While some of the families had to get back sooner, we elected to spend the night and that meant we needed to eat. Of course, we wanted to be with everyone who was still there. We had cake in Patti's room and then we went back down to the Texas Station.
X loved all the attention he got when he joined the "cousins" where all the kids were under 14 and several of the girls kept him entertained. A, or course, ate with Melinda, Nanny and myself (and Patti, Gary, Marilyn and Mike at out table).
With this HUGE day behind us, we all wore out pretty quickly, so as soon as we actually ate, we headed back to the room, It did not take long for everyone to fall asleep.
The next morning we ate some snacks we brought and all drove to our home. Nanny left from our house back to hers and we left for The Farm to see Grandma and Papa!
Thanksgiving at the Gaylord Texan
Thursday, November 24, 2011 (Thanksgiving)
Patti Brooks (Nanny's sister) wanted to celebrate her 60th birthday with all her family and asked that everyone join her at the Gaylord Texan in Grapevine, TX for Thanksgiving. We have had this plan for months and are excited to get to join her and her husband Gary (whose Birthday is also around this time of year).
Nanny arrived at our house early Tuesday to enjoy Thanksgiving Feast with X at his school and spend the night with us before going to the hotel.
We arrived around 5:30, checked in, put up our clothes and, at the insistence of X and A rushed downstairs to see all the Christmas decorations and trains. We have a great view from our room into the enclosed atrium of the Gaylord Texan.
We found more of Nanny's family and subsequently at dinner with them at the Texan Station. There was lots of barbecue and burgers - in fact, way too much to eat. After coming back to the rooms at 9:30 PM, Melinda and Nanny joined the family (as Jack and the boys slept).
This morning X, A and Jack went swimming in the indoor pool and now are about to head down for a big Thanksgiving dinner with Patti, Gary and about 25 other people. More on that in the next blog!
Patti Brooks (Nanny's sister) wanted to celebrate her 60th birthday with all her family and asked that everyone join her at the Gaylord Texan in Grapevine, TX for Thanksgiving. We have had this plan for months and are excited to get to join her and her husband Gary (whose Birthday is also around this time of year).
Nanny arrived at our house early Tuesday to enjoy Thanksgiving Feast with X at his school and spend the night with us before going to the hotel.
We arrived around 5:30, checked in, put up our clothes and, at the insistence of X and A rushed downstairs to see all the Christmas decorations and trains. We have a great view from our room into the enclosed atrium of the Gaylord Texan.
We found more of Nanny's family and subsequently at dinner with them at the Texan Station. There was lots of barbecue and burgers - in fact, way too much to eat. After coming back to the rooms at 9:30 PM, Melinda and Nanny joined the family (as Jack and the boys slept).
This morning X, A and Jack went swimming in the indoor pool and now are about to head down for a big Thanksgiving dinner with Patti, Gary and about 25 other people. More on that in the next blog!
Visit to the North Pole vi the Polar Express (and got to see Santa)!
Friday, November 18, 2011
The long-anticipated night had arrive. We had prepared by watching the movie and reading the books several times. Now, thanks to Nanny, we all wore matching flannel pajamas and were boarding the train to ride from Palestime, TX to Rusk, TX (The North Pole) and back on the Texas State Railroad A.K.A The Polar Express!
Our best friends, Jennifer and James and their two children Owen and Warren also boarded with us and sat at the table next to us.
Our Lone Star Class dinning car was set with white table clothes, cookies and snacks when we entered. Music from the movie was already playing and dancing chefs quickly served us "hot, hot, hot, hot chocolate" in cute ceramic, souvenir mugs(though only comfortably warm since there were mostly small children on the train). The conductor boarded the train and punched our special, personalized golden tickets (that I made well in advance). The tickets were a big hit and there were even families around us asking about how to get them for their kids.
The Polar Express music continued for the 25 minutes to the North Poles as nearly all the kids on the train danced in the aisles with the dancing chefs. X, quickly jumped up and later, A got up and both had a blast as we slowly made our way to see, "The Big Guy."
When we arrived at Santa's Villiage, he and his elves were there to wave to everyone. He then boarded the train and went car to car to wish everyone a Merry cHristmas and hand out the "first presents of Christmas," silver bells from his reindeer, to every child who BELIEVED!
It was a long train and took Santa the whole trip back to make it to each car, hand out the presents and sign Polar Express Books (which we all had handy). Meanwhile, the cars blared Christmas carols and everyone sang along while the children continued to dance in the aisles all the way back "home."
Afterwards, we picked up a commemorative photo (that we took in our pajamas right before boarding)and headed back to Nanny's house. Jennifer, James and their boys joined us for the night and next morning and we all had fun playing until they left.
What an awesome weekend. We are already talking about making this an annual tradition - at least as longs everyone BELIEVES!
The long-anticipated night had arrive. We had prepared by watching the movie and reading the books several times. Now, thanks to Nanny, we all wore matching flannel pajamas and were boarding the train to ride from Palestime, TX to Rusk, TX (The North Pole) and back on the Texas State Railroad A.K.A The Polar Express!
Our best friends, Jennifer and James and their two children Owen and Warren also boarded with us and sat at the table next to us.
Our Lone Star Class dinning car was set with white table clothes, cookies and snacks when we entered. Music from the movie was already playing and dancing chefs quickly served us "hot, hot, hot, hot chocolate" in cute ceramic, souvenir mugs(though only comfortably warm since there were mostly small children on the train). The conductor boarded the train and punched our special, personalized golden tickets (that I made well in advance). The tickets were a big hit and there were even families around us asking about how to get them for their kids.
The Polar Express music continued for the 25 minutes to the North Poles as nearly all the kids on the train danced in the aisles with the dancing chefs. X, quickly jumped up and later, A got up and both had a blast as we slowly made our way to see, "The Big Guy."
When we arrived at Santa's Villiage, he and his elves were there to wave to everyone. He then boarded the train and went car to car to wish everyone a Merry cHristmas and hand out the "first presents of Christmas," silver bells from his reindeer, to every child who BELIEVED!
It was a long train and took Santa the whole trip back to make it to each car, hand out the presents and sign Polar Express Books (which we all had handy). Meanwhile, the cars blared Christmas carols and everyone sang along while the children continued to dance in the aisles all the way back "home."
Afterwards, we picked up a commemorative photo (that we took in our pajamas right before boarding)and headed back to Nanny's house. Jennifer, James and their boys joined us for the night and next morning and we all had fun playing until they left.
What an awesome weekend. We are already talking about making this an annual tradition - at least as longs everyone BELIEVES!
Pumpkin Pie for Parents / Delicious Plastic Blue Dots...Tasty!
Friday, November 18th
A's school had a little pre-Thanksgiving party (since the week of Thanksgiving the private preschool is closed) called Pumpkin Pie for Parents.
His class served pumpkin pie and put on a little show consisting of songs. A, deciding he did NOT want to do the program, proceeded to pout and then grabbed the plastic blue dot he was standing on, and started CHEWING IT! It did not fit in his mouth very well, so he folded it like a taco and continued his chewing.
All we could think of was, "we are in that scene in the movie "Parenthood" where the little kid destroys the school program." Fortunately, we have adopted the viewpoint of the mother character (and chose to laugh at the situation rather than get freaked out by it).
Melinda got some tell-all pictures that we would love to post, but still can't until we have finalized the adoption (some time in March).
Friday night we all leave for Nanny's house!
A's school had a little pre-Thanksgiving party (since the week of Thanksgiving the private preschool is closed) called Pumpkin Pie for Parents.
His class served pumpkin pie and put on a little show consisting of songs. A, deciding he did NOT want to do the program, proceeded to pout and then grabbed the plastic blue dot he was standing on, and started CHEWING IT! It did not fit in his mouth very well, so he folded it like a taco and continued his chewing.
All we could think of was, "we are in that scene in the movie "Parenthood" where the little kid destroys the school program." Fortunately, we have adopted the viewpoint of the mother character (and chose to laugh at the situation rather than get freaked out by it).
Melinda got some tell-all pictures that we would love to post, but still can't until we have finalized the adoption (some time in March).
Friday night we all leave for Nanny's house!
It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas (at the Nelson's)
Thursday, November 17th
Yeah, I KNEW Melinda could not wait to put up all the Christmas decorations. The goal was to do it over the next few weeks. That lasted only a few days.
Tomorrow night we leave for a short, but fun trip!
Yeah, I KNEW Melinda could not wait to put up all the Christmas decorations. The goal was to do it over the next few weeks. That lasted only a few days.
- The tree and all the lights, ornaments and bows are up
- All the Santas are in place all over the house
- "Jingle," our Shelf Elf (who keeps an eye out for Santa and reports back to him whether the kids have been naughty or nice) is watching over the different rooms (he moves each night)
- The dozens of Christmas-related books and videos are out
- Yes, the stockings are also hung by the chimney with care!
Tomorrow night we leave for a short, but fun trip!
Fostering Hope Meeting and Dinner
Sunday, November 13th
We attended the Irving Bible Church's (IBC) (http://irvingbible.org/) Tapestry (http://tapestryministry.org/) meeting of Fostering Hope (Foster Care Support) Group.
The primary purpose is to get and give support to other foster and adoptive parents. We all go through similar things and have lots of the same issues. They started the meeting off with a 4-minute timer. Each person (or couple) flips the timer and talks for about 4 minutes on what is going on with our cases and what we have learned or need help with. The other people in the room chime in. When we started getting involved about 19 months ago, we were (of course) the newbies. We reflected after the meeting how much we now know (which is one of the purposes for this blog). Of course, there is plenty to learn and we will likely be going for many years to come.
While we go to this hour and 15 minute long meeting, X and A go to their age group rooms for Sunday school type lessons (this is coincidentally also a regular service time for Irving Bible Church, so they have full daycare).
After the meeting, we get the kids out and they get to play on The Tubes. Imagine the world's largest McDonalds (or Chick-Fil-A or whatever) indoor playground with tubes and slides and related accompaniment. Now double that in size and you probably have something close to the size of The Tubes play area in the center of IBC. It is at least four stories high! We have seen this every time we have come, but have never let the kids play on it. For one, we are a bit afraid that if A gets stuck at the top somewhere that WE will have to mouse our way up to get them and that will NOT be a pretty sight or east to do! Secondly, we often are rushed for time.
We also ate dinner at IBC. For a per-plate price or single per-family price to cover however many kids you might have, you can get whatever meal they provide. This time it was Fajitas, salad, tea and nachos. Given the extremely low cost of the meal, this has to be a break-even venture at best. I am sure it is one of their recruiting tools / ministries as well. Great idea!
We had not eaten dinner yet and were starving anyway (it was 6:30 and we ate a light lunch), so we sat next to a longtime foster parent acquaintance, Lenora and her child and continued some of our conversation from the earlier meeting.
Once the kids finished eating, we let them run The Tubes again.
Group therapy and fun in one location. We have been very impressed with the IBC foster and adoption ministry.
We attended the Irving Bible Church's (IBC) (http://irvingbible.org/) Tapestry (http://tapestryministry.org/) meeting of Fostering Hope (Foster Care Support) Group.
The primary purpose is to get and give support to other foster and adoptive parents. We all go through similar things and have lots of the same issues. They started the meeting off with a 4-minute timer. Each person (or couple) flips the timer and talks for about 4 minutes on what is going on with our cases and what we have learned or need help with. The other people in the room chime in. When we started getting involved about 19 months ago, we were (of course) the newbies. We reflected after the meeting how much we now know (which is one of the purposes for this blog). Of course, there is plenty to learn and we will likely be going for many years to come.
While we go to this hour and 15 minute long meeting, X and A go to their age group rooms for Sunday school type lessons (this is coincidentally also a regular service time for Irving Bible Church, so they have full daycare).
After the meeting, we get the kids out and they get to play on The Tubes. Imagine the world's largest McDonalds (or Chick-Fil-A or whatever) indoor playground with tubes and slides and related accompaniment. Now double that in size and you probably have something close to the size of The Tubes play area in the center of IBC. It is at least four stories high! We have seen this every time we have come, but have never let the kids play on it. For one, we are a bit afraid that if A gets stuck at the top somewhere that WE will have to mouse our way up to get them and that will NOT be a pretty sight or east to do! Secondly, we often are rushed for time.
We also ate dinner at IBC. For a per-plate price or single per-family price to cover however many kids you might have, you can get whatever meal they provide. This time it was Fajitas, salad, tea and nachos. Given the extremely low cost of the meal, this has to be a break-even venture at best. I am sure it is one of their recruiting tools / ministries as well. Great idea!
We had not eaten dinner yet and were starving anyway (it was 6:30 and we ate a light lunch), so we sat next to a longtime foster parent acquaintance, Lenora and her child and continued some of our conversation from the earlier meeting.
Once the kids finished eating, we let them run The Tubes again.
Group therapy and fun in one location. We have been very impressed with the IBC foster and adoption ministry.
Christmas Starts Today
Saturday, November 12th
Yes, we know that it is not even Thanksgiving, but we are very booked with events both locally and several out-of-town ones from now through January 1st and we need time to get everything set up. It takes about two full weekends plus daily tweaking for about a week or so and this was a rare weekend (December 18th being the only other one) where our schedule is mostly open.
Jack and Melinda get all zillion boxes down from the attic and Melinda spends a huge chunk of the days Saturday and Sunday just opening up everything and pulling it all out. The kids are very excited about Christmas and all the decorations and have "helped" us take everything down.
We have been blessed with some very nice Radko and Lynn Haney Santa Clauses as well as plenty other Christmas decorations. These are pieces that are delicate and some are heavy, so we have to get A and X distracted playing elsewhere while she pulls these out and sets them up. Later there will be plenty of time for the kids to decorate the Christmas tree (which we just put up) and lots of other crafts that Melinda has planned! In fact, they spend sometime working on a special Thanksgiving craft that I can't describe right now (its a secret).
There is still plenty to do over the next few weeks and I am sure that Melinda won't wait until December 18th to finish it up.
Christmas time will be big in the Nelson house this year!
Yes, we know that it is not even Thanksgiving, but we are very booked with events both locally and several out-of-town ones from now through January 1st and we need time to get everything set up. It takes about two full weekends plus daily tweaking for about a week or so and this was a rare weekend (December 18th being the only other one) where our schedule is mostly open.
Jack and Melinda get all zillion boxes down from the attic and Melinda spends a huge chunk of the days Saturday and Sunday just opening up everything and pulling it all out. The kids are very excited about Christmas and all the decorations and have "helped" us take everything down.
We have been blessed with some very nice Radko and Lynn Haney Santa Clauses as well as plenty other Christmas decorations. These are pieces that are delicate and some are heavy, so we have to get A and X distracted playing elsewhere while she pulls these out and sets them up. Later there will be plenty of time for the kids to decorate the Christmas tree (which we just put up) and lots of other crafts that Melinda has planned! In fact, they spend sometime working on a special Thanksgiving craft that I can't describe right now (its a secret).
There is still plenty to do over the next few weeks and I am sure that Melinda won't wait until December 18th to finish it up.
Christmas time will be big in the Nelson house this year!
Museum of Nature and Science
Sunday, November 6th
Melinda and I (Jack) just recently renewed our family membership for the Museum of Nature and Science in Dallas. Between this and our Fort Worth Zoo membership, we can spend plenty of weekends of family fun.
The roving exhibit that the museum had was particularly interesting for us - SHARKS! Recently, X has been talking more about sharks and whales (but never forgetting his true love of dinosaurs - which also happens to be at this museum).
We got to see plenty of real sharks up close (albeit, no live ones) and touch a variety of shark teeth and sit and watch very large, close-up videos of sharks swimming (which made you feel like you were in the water with them).
X and A also loved getting inside the shark-proof cages and pretending they were deep water divers.
Another great thing about this museum is the Children's Museum section with lots and lots of interactive exhibits and play areas that are the perfect age for these active boys. Our biggest obstacle in coming is trying to keep the low-attention span boys on one task for even 20 or 30 seconds. They get overstimulated by the wide variety of activities all over the small area (very much like the situation at Chuck Cheese) and their brains tell their body that they need to do it all right now or they will miss it. You can actually see almost a rabid look in A's eyes as he is about to go wacko. We let them run for a few minutes and then pull them out of all the stimuli (as best we can) and make them sit down and breath for a minute (to regulate their body) and then try to get them to focus on one thing for at least a minute or two. Everyone knows that little kids run around in circles, but this is way beyond that and is actually something they will be dealing with for the next few decades - especially A, but also X. Their teachers already see it and it can make learning very difficult! Although some therapist are ready to label it ADHD even now, other want to wait a little longer to make sure that is the proper diagnosis. Regardless, one of the coping mechanisms will be to get the kids to calm themselves down with deep breathing and sitting still for even as short as 60 seconds to regulate themselves.
After the Science Museum and before going into the Nature Museum we break for a picnic on the grounds and across from the ponds. We got to see plenty of walkers since it was the end of the 3-Day Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure and they walk / run in the Cotton Bowl at Fair Park (the museum is also at Fair Park as well). While it looked a bit like rain, it was still a very beautiful day. As a special treat, a 16 inch tortoise was walking the grounds outside. It seems this was part of a live exhibit in the Nature Museum and this guy did not play well with others so they brought him outside to walk around (with his handler nearby). He seemed very fast for a tortoise and walked at full speed wherever he wanted to go. He had 3 - 10 kids following him around and petting his shell (including X and A) and we got some great photos and video of him and the kids. Every now and then his handler would have to turn him around so he would not get too far off where she wanted him to walk (which was mainly on the sidewalk between the two buildings), but other than that, he never stopped moving. This might have been the most exciting part of the whole visit.
The Nature museum had the traditional dinosaurs and another roving exhibit we specifically came to see - Bob the Builder (and animated handyman series I think on PBS). The exhibit was for very young children and had plenty of things to climb in, sit on and do. We spent probably an hour or more in the one big room. There are also a lot more dinosaurs in the Nature museum, but that will have to wait for another days because the kids were wearing out and we wanted to leave while everyone was still happy (instead of getting cranky tired). We got in the car and, like our visit to the State Fair, we did not even make it out of the parking lot before they were asleep in their car seats.
Wackoness aside, we still would not trade these days! They get so excited about seeing and trying new things (or even things that they haven't done or seen in a long time) and THIS is what being a kid is all about. We will work on the coping mechanisms, but we never want them to stop being excited about knowledge or crush their sense of wonder.
Check off anther great day for X and A!
Melinda and I (Jack) just recently renewed our family membership for the Museum of Nature and Science in Dallas. Between this and our Fort Worth Zoo membership, we can spend plenty of weekends of family fun.
The roving exhibit that the museum had was particularly interesting for us - SHARKS! Recently, X has been talking more about sharks and whales (but never forgetting his true love of dinosaurs - which also happens to be at this museum).
We got to see plenty of real sharks up close (albeit, no live ones) and touch a variety of shark teeth and sit and watch very large, close-up videos of sharks swimming (which made you feel like you were in the water with them).
X and A also loved getting inside the shark-proof cages and pretending they were deep water divers.
Another great thing about this museum is the Children's Museum section with lots and lots of interactive exhibits and play areas that are the perfect age for these active boys. Our biggest obstacle in coming is trying to keep the low-attention span boys on one task for even 20 or 30 seconds. They get overstimulated by the wide variety of activities all over the small area (very much like the situation at Chuck Cheese) and their brains tell their body that they need to do it all right now or they will miss it. You can actually see almost a rabid look in A's eyes as he is about to go wacko. We let them run for a few minutes and then pull them out of all the stimuli (as best we can) and make them sit down and breath for a minute (to regulate their body) and then try to get them to focus on one thing for at least a minute or two. Everyone knows that little kids run around in circles, but this is way beyond that and is actually something they will be dealing with for the next few decades - especially A, but also X. Their teachers already see it and it can make learning very difficult! Although some therapist are ready to label it ADHD even now, other want to wait a little longer to make sure that is the proper diagnosis. Regardless, one of the coping mechanisms will be to get the kids to calm themselves down with deep breathing and sitting still for even as short as 60 seconds to regulate themselves.
After the Science Museum and before going into the Nature Museum we break for a picnic on the grounds and across from the ponds. We got to see plenty of walkers since it was the end of the 3-Day Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure and they walk / run in the Cotton Bowl at Fair Park (the museum is also at Fair Park as well). While it looked a bit like rain, it was still a very beautiful day. As a special treat, a 16 inch tortoise was walking the grounds outside. It seems this was part of a live exhibit in the Nature Museum and this guy did not play well with others so they brought him outside to walk around (with his handler nearby). He seemed very fast for a tortoise and walked at full speed wherever he wanted to go. He had 3 - 10 kids following him around and petting his shell (including X and A) and we got some great photos and video of him and the kids. Every now and then his handler would have to turn him around so he would not get too far off where she wanted him to walk (which was mainly on the sidewalk between the two buildings), but other than that, he never stopped moving. This might have been the most exciting part of the whole visit.
The Nature museum had the traditional dinosaurs and another roving exhibit we specifically came to see - Bob the Builder (and animated handyman series I think on PBS). The exhibit was for very young children and had plenty of things to climb in, sit on and do. We spent probably an hour or more in the one big room. There are also a lot more dinosaurs in the Nature museum, but that will have to wait for another days because the kids were wearing out and we wanted to leave while everyone was still happy (instead of getting cranky tired). We got in the car and, like our visit to the State Fair, we did not even make it out of the parking lot before they were asleep in their car seats.
Wackoness aside, we still would not trade these days! They get so excited about seeing and trying new things (or even things that they haven't done or seen in a long time) and THIS is what being a kid is all about. We will work on the coping mechanisms, but we never want them to stop being excited about knowledge or crush their sense of wonder.
Check off anther great day for X and A!
Robotics Event & Cadon's Birthday Party
Saturday, November 5th (by Jack)
This time last year, I would have been deep in the middle of a huge robotics tournament. I have put on 10 big tournaments in the last three years. Things changed last December and I have re-prioritized my life to spend more time with X and A. When it comes to these big tournaments, I now only consult (and often provide some of the hardware to make them happen).
X and I went to check up on the VEX Robotics Tournament at Lake Highlands Freshman Center. We were there about an hour and X got to see several rounds of battling robots. He thought they were pretty cool, but was also antsy to go his best friend's (Cadon) birthday party at Chucky Cheese. Hmmmm.... a 5-year-old choosing pizza, cake and lots of games over robotics? I can see that.
We arrived a Chucky Cheeses in Garland a bit late, but there was still plenty of time for fun. Melinda also brought A (who was generously invited) and the kids ran in circles for 45 minutes before the pizza and cake arrived. Right at 3:00 Chucky made his appearance to wish Cadon and the other four sets of birthday kids at Chucky Cheeses that day a "Happy Birthday!"
A wore out (and got very grumpy, very quickly) shortly before we were going to leave anyway. Fun was had by all!
Mediation: Shocks and Suprises
Wednesday, November 2nd
Melinda and I went to the 301st Court in downtown Dallas like we have so many times over the last 21 months. The last time we showed up for mediation was in July 2011 and it was made very clear by the birth mother's attorney that we were not participating in the mediation and she even told us we needed to stay in the main lobby. For the last two weeks we have talked with Jacki (the CPS case manager in charge of X and A) about the mediation and what would likely happen. She also made it clear that we were just going to be in the lobby, but needed to be available for consultation. If we thought we would be in actual negotiations, we would have brought our adoption attorney Dave Cole (https://www.adoptlegal.com/) or at least been more prepared to answer some of the questions.
Well... we were dead in the middle of negotiations! We had to state how many times a year we were willing to meet with the birth parents, how we would keep them informed between visits (letters, e-mail, photos, this blog), had to give an e-mail address (that we set up prior) for use when contacting us about the boys (we did not want to give out our cell phone numbers - we keep that VERY private). Mediation theoretically was supposed to start at 1:30, but really did not start until a little after 2:00 since a key individual showed up 22 minutes late. It did not end until 5:05.
Those that were present and represented: birth mother, her mother (X and A's grandmother), Kim Cooks - the mother's attorney, the birth father of one of the children and his attorney, an attorney representing the father of the other child (unknown whereabouts), the ad-litem (the attorney supposedly assigned to represent strictly the interest of the children), the CPS attorney, CPS case worker Jacki, the Attorney General, the mediator and Melinda and myself. Yes, that is a lot of people to get to agree to anything.
The end result of all this that Melinda and I agreed to an open adoption where we would let X and A meet with the birth parents multiple times each year for a few hours each time. We are to meet in a "neutral" place that is "appropriate" for children (so no "men's" clubs or bars I guess). We also are to provide regular communication via photos, e-mail, etc. While this is the minimum that we agreed to, of course we can and will do much more. In exchange for us agreeing to all of this, both birth parents had to sign agreements to the voluntary termination of their parental rights. Once the judge orders a rendition of judgement (basically, just orally states before the court and then signs the execution order) on November 29th, then this agreement will be official. We have been told that the termination of the parental rights is already done and is irrevocable. If the judge did NOT agree to the mediation terms, there would be grounds for appeal to the termination based on the good faith agreement of the mediation, however, that would be the only way the termination could be reversed at this point. Our attorney says he has NEVER seen a judge not agree to these type of mediated settlements and, since he is strictly an adoption attorney, he would know.
After we signed the agreement (we were the last to do so), we got a copy of it and then rushed out to get back to X's school before 6:00 (he is in an after school program and it closes at 6:00). While we did not make it until 6:07, they completely understood and were very kind about being late. We then rushed over to pick up A from a licensed pay-by-the-hour "playcare" place that was CPS-approved.
Melinda and I went to the 301st Court in downtown Dallas like we have so many times over the last 21 months. The last time we showed up for mediation was in July 2011 and it was made very clear by the birth mother's attorney that we were not participating in the mediation and she even told us we needed to stay in the main lobby. For the last two weeks we have talked with Jacki (the CPS case manager in charge of X and A) about the mediation and what would likely happen. She also made it clear that we were just going to be in the lobby, but needed to be available for consultation. If we thought we would be in actual negotiations, we would have brought our adoption attorney Dave Cole (https://www.adoptlegal.com/) or at least been more prepared to answer some of the questions.
Well... we were dead in the middle of negotiations! We had to state how many times a year we were willing to meet with the birth parents, how we would keep them informed between visits (letters, e-mail, photos, this blog), had to give an e-mail address (that we set up prior) for use when contacting us about the boys (we did not want to give out our cell phone numbers - we keep that VERY private). Mediation theoretically was supposed to start at 1:30, but really did not start until a little after 2:00 since a key individual showed up 22 minutes late. It did not end until 5:05.
Those that were present and represented: birth mother, her mother (X and A's grandmother), Kim Cooks - the mother's attorney, the birth father of one of the children and his attorney, an attorney representing the father of the other child (unknown whereabouts), the ad-litem (the attorney supposedly assigned to represent strictly the interest of the children), the CPS attorney, CPS case worker Jacki, the Attorney General, the mediator and Melinda and myself. Yes, that is a lot of people to get to agree to anything.
The end result of all this that Melinda and I agreed to an open adoption where we would let X and A meet with the birth parents multiple times each year for a few hours each time. We are to meet in a "neutral" place that is "appropriate" for children (so no "men's" clubs or bars I guess). We also are to provide regular communication via photos, e-mail, etc. While this is the minimum that we agreed to, of course we can and will do much more. In exchange for us agreeing to all of this, both birth parents had to sign agreements to the voluntary termination of their parental rights. Once the judge orders a rendition of judgement (basically, just orally states before the court and then signs the execution order) on November 29th, then this agreement will be official. We have been told that the termination of the parental rights is already done and is irrevocable. If the judge did NOT agree to the mediation terms, there would be grounds for appeal to the termination based on the good faith agreement of the mediation, however, that would be the only way the termination could be reversed at this point. Our attorney says he has NEVER seen a judge not agree to these type of mediated settlements and, since he is strictly an adoption attorney, he would know.
After we signed the agreement (we were the last to do so), we got a copy of it and then rushed out to get back to X's school before 6:00 (he is in an after school program and it closes at 6:00). While we did not make it until 6:07, they completely understood and were very kind about being late. We then rushed over to pick up A from a licensed pay-by-the-hour "playcare" place that was CPS-approved.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Something happened that we did not expect after mediation - a lack of overflowing joy. We had this vision in our heads of jumping up and down when we found out that the parental rights were terminated. I mean, hey, this is exactly what we wanted and MUST happen before we can move forward with adoption (which can now happen early March, 2012). We should be happy and thrilled, right? But we can't truly celebrate when the mother and grandmother are literally crying on our shoulders.
We have met and interacted with them for 14 of the last 15 months that we have had X and A. Melinda brings the kids to see them each week at visitation and I get to join her in the Summer. We give them photos each week, learn about their lives and they certainly know about our lives. In recent months the mother and grandmother have opened up more to us about what happened and who they are and have even given us photos of the kids when they were younger. They are not just "the other people in the case," these are X's and A's family. We have grown to care about them and this is the worse day of their entire lives. Their whole world has been shattered. To be joyous now would be heartless. It would be like celebrating after just witnessing someone being shot at point blank range. No matter what problems brought the kids to us or what mistakes have been made, it still does not take away the fact that one is their birth mother and the other is their birth grandmother. While we admit that we do not know the birth father very well (he has remained a bit distant with us), we still know that this is hard for him, too.
Our goal is to surpass the "minimum" in our agreement and to allow the birth family to experience X and A growing up. As we have said before, there is no such thing as too much love for these kids and as long as we believe it is benefiting the kids, we intend to have the birth family around for the children's significant life events.
While this is certainly not "shared parenting" with the birth family (Melinda and I will make all the decisions regarding X and A), it is open adoption and the most important thing we can give X and A is their sense of self - they have to be comfortable with their past to move forward with their future. The open adoption is not for the birth mother, grandmother or father. It is not for Melinda and I. It is for X and A.
As it was said in our very first foster care / adoption certification class over two years ago (and something that we never forget): Adoption starts with a loss. Through the tears and heartaches of these people we have come to care about, we felt that loss. We pray that they understand how much we absolutely cherish X and A and we hope that they know that we will take care of their X and A forever.
Getting Caught Up: October 2011 Happenings
Touch a Truck / Big Court Date / A's Birthday Party at Nanny's House / Texas State Fair Day / X's Field Trip to the Pumpkin Patch / Do-Nuts with Dad / A's School Fall Party / Tapestry Foster Care & Adoption Clinic / Fall Festival at A's School / Mediation!
Saturday, October 1st - October starts the month off right with "Touch a Truck." This is a chance for kids to go to one place and interact with all sorts of vehicles. X and A got to sit in two different fire trucks, a police car, a sports car, antique cars, tractors (which, of course, they have "driven" at Papa and Grandma's farm before) and much more. X even got to work a garbage truck (including pulling all the levers to crush the trash). While we are not pushing him to the area of waste management (we will let him decide what he wants to be later in life), we actually have two very close friends who do very well for themselves as part of management at the trash and recycle company, "Waste Management." Of course, we would be perfectly happy with either of them as paleontologists or brain surgeons or university professors or political activists or anything else respectable and legal (no mobsters or gang members, please).
Monday, October 3rd - We go into court hoping that the birth parents may sign over rights to X and A. Instead, we again, get thrown a legal curve ball that NO ONE saw coming - not the lawyers, the birth parents, CPS, the Attorney General or the judge. While I can't discuss the details here, some scribbled note in the margin of one page results in a rescheduled pretrial date of November 15th plus mediation for the termination of parents rights set for October 31st. Everyone went home unsatisfied and a bit frustrated. However, as we left, we reminded ourselves - at least we still have X and A.
Court is always a nerve-wrecking date with sleepless nights preceding it. We lost our other two foster children on days like this. While they went on to loving, safe homes, the days were very emotional for us.
Realistically, there are no signs that we will lose the children at this point (although anything can happen). CPS is exceptionally confident that their decision to place the children with us permanently is the correct decision and is prepared for a court case if needed. The birth mother (with the strong support of the kids maternal grandmother) has repeatedly agreed to termination of the mother's rights and, in fact, told us after court that she was prepared to do it that very day. This act was put off until mediation at the end of the month. The mother, grandmother, all our therapists and doctors and CPS agree that, after 15 months, it is time to give closure to this chapter in X and A's life and move toward a more permanent place. We can tell that X knows something is about to happen. He is asking lots of questions and is sometimes regressing to a place of insecurity. By his actions and words, he tells us he is afraid he is going to get uprooted and have to leave us. While we reassure him regularly, we need to get to a place of "Forever Family" and we can't do that right now. We all march forward a little longer while waiting for some results to come back and the next chance for all parties to discuss the matter again.
Saturday, October 8th - While Sunday the 9th is A's actual birthdate, we celebrate at Nanny's with a party and all the hoopla that goes with it on Saturday. Our best friends, Jennifer and James, come up to Nacogdoches with their children Owen and Warren to celebrate with us as well as Grandma and Papa and very close family friend "Auntie Norma" (who is always there for us and the kids). A got lots of neat gifts and everyone had fun playing with the cool new presents including an awesome throwback-style metal firetruck that Nanny bought and Papa and Jack cheerfully put together for two hours in Nanny's guest house. This thing will be around for decades. It is very solid and made exclusively with metal and chrome (plus hard rubber wheels and real wooden ladders). Of course there were lots of DUPLOS blocks and books (that will get years of mileage out of) and a cool transformer rescue robot that Owen and Warren gave A.
In A's typical fashion, he chose the absolute hardest piece of cake (in the middle) to have as his first piece of birthday cake and Jennifer performed minor surgery to extract it without cutting any of the rest of the cake. Way to go "J.J.!"
Nanny had great decorations and we got to stay for a few days with her. A great weekend overall.
Monday, October 10th - Texas State Fair Day. In the Dallas area, the Texas State Fair is so big (like "Big Tex" himself) that the schools give a full day off to go to it. All school-ages kids and teachers get one free ticket to the fair - so Jack and X were covered already. We got Melinda and A a ticket and headed down to this all-day event.
We did MUCH better this year and got a close, easily accessible and safe parking space. We also packed 9 liters of water (yes, you read that right) in our Radio Flyer wagon and Jack's backpack, plus plenty of food and snacks (which are all allowed in the fair). Of course, we had to eat SOME fair food or it just would not be a fair. We just didn't want to come back with tummy aches.
We saw the African Acrobats, Frisbee Catching Dogs, Pig Races, Doberman Dog Show and went on a long (but fun and engaging) livestock tour.We also did the food pavilion, saw lots of arts and crafts and, of course, did their favorite thing, the livestock petting zoo where the kids get to feed all sorts of hooved and feathered animals.We didn't make it to the big light show at the end of the evening. The kids were starting to get a bit tired and both fell asleep before we even left the parking lot!
Melinda and I remarked that the day really could not have gone much better. We even had perfect weather all day.
Tuesday, October 18th - X goes on another field trip. We know Fall is around the corner when he goes to the Owen's Family Pumpkin Patch (yes, like Owens Country Sausage - same people). Melinda chaperoned and Anthony was in-tow. They came home with three pumpkins and lots of smiles all around!
Wednesday, October 19th - X has been looking forward to this day since a year ago when he and Jack did "Dunking and Do-Nuts with Dad." It is a chance for some nice bonding. X and Jack were the first two at the school and ready to have lots of fun on the basketball court. Unfortunately, after we ate our one do-nut and had juice, we discovered that this school does not do the "dunking" part - meaning the do-nuts and a book fair were all that they had. A bit disappointed, X and Jack headed back home about 7:20, but then Jack got to take him back to school a little before 8:00. Next year, the X and Jack team will be a little less eager and arrive a bit later. Still a source of great pride and bonding as X got to show off part of his school to Jack.
Saturday, October 29th - While X and A had fun all day in classes, Melinda and I got to attend an all-day Tapestry Foster Care & Adoption Clinic. There were panels of families that have adopted with advice of what to do and not do. There were stories about foster kids and how they coped growing up. There was a great lunchtime presentation about the best foster and adoption books (primarily for kids). We ended up with "Rosie's Family, An Adoption Story," " A Mother for Choco" and a book just for us. Since we have been reading them each night, we have gotten a lot of great comments from X and even some from A. They read about a family of dogs where one dog (Rosie) is adopted and then X says, "Hey, he is like me. You and Mommy are like the Mommy and Daddy dogs." We think he understands a lot more than we even realize. A is still a bit oblivious, but can also tell something is happening.
Sunday, October 30th - A's School "Fall" Party was fun. There were bounce houses, lots of activities for the kids to win treats (candy) and it even had a bumpy hay ride that took us around the acre or so of land adjacent to the church. Both boys were their costumes. X was "Don Pteranodon" and A was "Buddy T-Rex" from the PBS show "Dinosaur Train". We love this show! Not only does it focus on dinosaurs and trains (favorites in our home) it also features Buddy, a Tyrannosaurus Rex and his adoptive Pteranodon family. The boys talk about how you can all be different yet still be part of the same family.
Monday, October 31st - A School Fall Party. A had two different Fall Parties because he has two different teachers. He had his Friday party on the 28th. He brought "ghost" cookies (Nutterbutter brand cookies dipped in white chocolate with mini dark chocolate drops for eyes) and apple slices as his "special" snack. They made ghost bookmarks and they read some Fall books. On Monday he wore his costume to the party. Melinda serves as the room mom and brought foam pumpkin frames for the kids to make as their craft activity. They read pumpkin stories on the story rug and ate a special snack. All the kids looked adorable in their Halloween finest!
Mediation was scheduled for the 31st. On Friday the 28th Melinda received a call from our CPS caseworker. The caseworker started the conversation with "I have some bad news". Melinda froze - her mind immediately began packing clothes and toys. The caseworker then explained that due to a scheduling conflict mediation was postponed to November 2nd. Melinda quickly regained composure and indicated that she would move around appointments for the boys and secure sitters so we could attend.
A busy month comes to fun (and sometimes scary) end!
Saturday, October 1st - October starts the month off right with "Touch a Truck." This is a chance for kids to go to one place and interact with all sorts of vehicles. X and A got to sit in two different fire trucks, a police car, a sports car, antique cars, tractors (which, of course, they have "driven" at Papa and Grandma's farm before) and much more. X even got to work a garbage truck (including pulling all the levers to crush the trash). While we are not pushing him to the area of waste management (we will let him decide what he wants to be later in life), we actually have two very close friends who do very well for themselves as part of management at the trash and recycle company, "Waste Management." Of course, we would be perfectly happy with either of them as paleontologists or brain surgeons or university professors or political activists or anything else respectable and legal (no mobsters or gang members, please).
Monday, October 3rd - We go into court hoping that the birth parents may sign over rights to X and A. Instead, we again, get thrown a legal curve ball that NO ONE saw coming - not the lawyers, the birth parents, CPS, the Attorney General or the judge. While I can't discuss the details here, some scribbled note in the margin of one page results in a rescheduled pretrial date of November 15th plus mediation for the termination of parents rights set for October 31st. Everyone went home unsatisfied and a bit frustrated. However, as we left, we reminded ourselves - at least we still have X and A.
Court is always a nerve-wrecking date with sleepless nights preceding it. We lost our other two foster children on days like this. While they went on to loving, safe homes, the days were very emotional for us.
Realistically, there are no signs that we will lose the children at this point (although anything can happen). CPS is exceptionally confident that their decision to place the children with us permanently is the correct decision and is prepared for a court case if needed. The birth mother (with the strong support of the kids maternal grandmother) has repeatedly agreed to termination of the mother's rights and, in fact, told us after court that she was prepared to do it that very day. This act was put off until mediation at the end of the month. The mother, grandmother, all our therapists and doctors and CPS agree that, after 15 months, it is time to give closure to this chapter in X and A's life and move toward a more permanent place. We can tell that X knows something is about to happen. He is asking lots of questions and is sometimes regressing to a place of insecurity. By his actions and words, he tells us he is afraid he is going to get uprooted and have to leave us. While we reassure him regularly, we need to get to a place of "Forever Family" and we can't do that right now. We all march forward a little longer while waiting for some results to come back and the next chance for all parties to discuss the matter again.
Saturday, October 8th - While Sunday the 9th is A's actual birthdate, we celebrate at Nanny's with a party and all the hoopla that goes with it on Saturday. Our best friends, Jennifer and James, come up to Nacogdoches with their children Owen and Warren to celebrate with us as well as Grandma and Papa and very close family friend "Auntie Norma" (who is always there for us and the kids). A got lots of neat gifts and everyone had fun playing with the cool new presents including an awesome throwback-style metal firetruck that Nanny bought and Papa and Jack cheerfully put together for two hours in Nanny's guest house. This thing will be around for decades. It is very solid and made exclusively with metal and chrome (plus hard rubber wheels and real wooden ladders). Of course there were lots of DUPLOS blocks and books (that will get years of mileage out of) and a cool transformer rescue robot that Owen and Warren gave A.
In A's typical fashion, he chose the absolute hardest piece of cake (in the middle) to have as his first piece of birthday cake and Jennifer performed minor surgery to extract it without cutting any of the rest of the cake. Way to go "J.J.!"
Nanny had great decorations and we got to stay for a few days with her. A great weekend overall.
Monday, October 10th - Texas State Fair Day. In the Dallas area, the Texas State Fair is so big (like "Big Tex" himself) that the schools give a full day off to go to it. All school-ages kids and teachers get one free ticket to the fair - so Jack and X were covered already. We got Melinda and A a ticket and headed down to this all-day event.
We did MUCH better this year and got a close, easily accessible and safe parking space. We also packed 9 liters of water (yes, you read that right) in our Radio Flyer wagon and Jack's backpack, plus plenty of food and snacks (which are all allowed in the fair). Of course, we had to eat SOME fair food or it just would not be a fair. We just didn't want to come back with tummy aches.
We saw the African Acrobats, Frisbee Catching Dogs, Pig Races, Doberman Dog Show and went on a long (but fun and engaging) livestock tour.We also did the food pavilion, saw lots of arts and crafts and, of course, did their favorite thing, the livestock petting zoo where the kids get to feed all sorts of hooved and feathered animals.We didn't make it to the big light show at the end of the evening. The kids were starting to get a bit tired and both fell asleep before we even left the parking lot!
Melinda and I remarked that the day really could not have gone much better. We even had perfect weather all day.
Tuesday, October 18th - X goes on another field trip. We know Fall is around the corner when he goes to the Owen's Family Pumpkin Patch (yes, like Owens Country Sausage - same people). Melinda chaperoned and Anthony was in-tow. They came home with three pumpkins and lots of smiles all around!
Wednesday, October 19th - X has been looking forward to this day since a year ago when he and Jack did "Dunking and Do-Nuts with Dad." It is a chance for some nice bonding. X and Jack were the first two at the school and ready to have lots of fun on the basketball court. Unfortunately, after we ate our one do-nut and had juice, we discovered that this school does not do the "dunking" part - meaning the do-nuts and a book fair were all that they had. A bit disappointed, X and Jack headed back home about 7:20, but then Jack got to take him back to school a little before 8:00. Next year, the X and Jack team will be a little less eager and arrive a bit later. Still a source of great pride and bonding as X got to show off part of his school to Jack.
Saturday, October 29th - While X and A had fun all day in classes, Melinda and I got to attend an all-day Tapestry Foster Care & Adoption Clinic. There were panels of families that have adopted with advice of what to do and not do. There were stories about foster kids and how they coped growing up. There was a great lunchtime presentation about the best foster and adoption books (primarily for kids). We ended up with "Rosie's Family, An Adoption Story," " A Mother for Choco" and a book just for us. Since we have been reading them each night, we have gotten a lot of great comments from X and even some from A. They read about a family of dogs where one dog (Rosie) is adopted and then X says, "Hey, he is like me. You and Mommy are like the Mommy and Daddy dogs." We think he understands a lot more than we even realize. A is still a bit oblivious, but can also tell something is happening.
Sunday, October 30th - A's School "Fall" Party was fun. There were bounce houses, lots of activities for the kids to win treats (candy) and it even had a bumpy hay ride that took us around the acre or so of land adjacent to the church. Both boys were their costumes. X was "Don Pteranodon" and A was "Buddy T-Rex" from the PBS show "Dinosaur Train". We love this show! Not only does it focus on dinosaurs and trains (favorites in our home) it also features Buddy, a Tyrannosaurus Rex and his adoptive Pteranodon family. The boys talk about how you can all be different yet still be part of the same family.
Monday, October 31st - A School Fall Party. A had two different Fall Parties because he has two different teachers. He had his Friday party on the 28th. He brought "ghost" cookies (Nutterbutter brand cookies dipped in white chocolate with mini dark chocolate drops for eyes) and apple slices as his "special" snack. They made ghost bookmarks and they read some Fall books. On Monday he wore his costume to the party. Melinda serves as the room mom and brought foam pumpkin frames for the kids to make as their craft activity. They read pumpkin stories on the story rug and ate a special snack. All the kids looked adorable in their Halloween finest!
Mediation was scheduled for the 31st. On Friday the 28th Melinda received a call from our CPS caseworker. The caseworker started the conversation with "I have some bad news". Melinda froze - her mind immediately began packing clothes and toys. The caseworker then explained that due to a scheduling conflict mediation was postponed to November 2nd. Melinda quickly regained composure and indicated that she would move around appointments for the boys and secure sitters so we could attend.
A busy month comes to fun (and sometimes scary) end!
Getting Caught Up: September 2011 Happenings
X's Curriculum Night / Occupational Therapy Goodbye / Tiffany's Baby Shower vs. Chick-Fil-A /
Lion King 3-D / X and A have school picnics
Friday, September 2nd - X gets a six-month re-evaluation for Occupational Therapy (OT). A few weeks ago we were told he will likely "place out" of the program that he has been doing twice a week for the last half-year. He has made HUGE strides in this area. Within a few days of this test, the results confirm that he is indeed "on-track" with his age group, so a final wrap up meeting was scheduled for September 7th and a he will have a graduation party on the 16th.
Saturday, September 10th - Tiffany's Baby Shower vs. Chick-Fil-A and the Pet Store.
Melinda's cousin Tiffany (who lives in Fort Worth) is finally pregnant after a very long wait. Melinda is hosting a baby shower and the kids are looking forward to seeing Tiffany's parents Patti and Gary (see July 2011 for the summer fun with them) along with Tiffany's sister Brittany and of course, Tiffany herself. HOWEVER I (Jack) was informed "boys are not allowed to be at the baby shower" so we had to leave. I decided that X, A and myself would go get some food at Chick-Fil-A's down the street and let them play an extra long time on the inside playground there.
It is ridiculously hot outside (something like the 63rd day in a row over 100 degrees) and we have no desire to go to the park in 104 degree weather at 2:00 PM (when this starts). Normally, we would just jump in the swimming pool, but did I mention that we were kicked out of the house for 90 minutes. After Chick-Fil-A, we went down the street to the pet store just to kill a little more time. The kids like checking out all the pets there and we are able to burn another 20 minutes indoors.
Finally we get to come home and see all the family. That night we had some great food and conversation and got caught up with the Brooks, Deckers and Buetschs.
Friday, September 16th - X has his Occupational Therapy "graduation" in our home including a neat certificate, a few toys that his therapist Ms. Ledbetter brought and a super cool helium-filled balloon dinosaur that "stands" on the floor but has just enough helium to float above the ground so you can "walk" the dinosaur around and his body stays at the right place. While the helium left within a week, the dinosaur stays on a cork board in X's room and Ms. Ledbetter stays in X's heart. She has certainly made a gigantic impact in X's life and is on the top of our "homecoming party" list (when we get to celebrate the adoption of X and A).
Immediately after the graduation party with Ms. Ledbetter, we jump in the already-packed car and head to the theatrical re-release of Melinda's all-time favorite animated movie, Disney's "Lion King" except this time it is "Lion King 3-D." We were correct to leave a little extra early. Galaxy Drive-In was packed, but we got a fine parking place anyway. Of course, this is one movie the kids DO get to watch and they have fun all night in their 3-D glasses.
Thursday, September 22nd - X has a school picnic at 6:00 PM and we all get to come. We grab some food and head to his school. There is not much structured activity going on other than the high school band made entirely of former students from this elementary playing a few songs (good recruiting tool for future band members). X gets to run all over the playground and show us what he can do. There are seemingly hundreds of kids screaming and running at full speed including X and A. They are having a blast!
We finally get to meet Caden, one of X's best friends plus his mother and father (who we quickly realize are almost half our age). Of course, we always knew this would be the case with many of his friends' parents and have accepted it. Jack and his ex-wife had Alex and Erich when they were only 19 and then 21-years-old. Alex and Erich are now 21 and 24, so, year, we are technically are "grandparents" age. However, there are actually a lot more "older" parents like us than there used to be. So while we might be mistaken occasionally as the grandparents, there are enough of us 40 - 45-year-olds with kids that we don't feel awkward. X's last best friend, Oliver, who moved to Corpus Christi in April had parents that were even older than us. We have said it before on this blog, we are in the Melinda and Jack 2.0 Phase (and loving every minute of it). Hopefully, you have read in this blog: there is NOTHING that slows us down from having fun with X and A - certainly not our age!
Thursday, September 29th - A has a family picnic after school that we all get to go to. While similar to X's, it is MUCH smaller.The kids get to play on the playground and bounce houses and they get their faces painted. Everyone eats plenty of food including Melinda's tasty cupcakes (which were a bit "fudgy," but oh, so awesome) - go Homemaker Melinda!
While a huge departure from making big corporate-level decisions as an Arts Marketing Director for THE biggest arts organizations in Texas, Melinda is using no less of her creative talent - she is just redirecting it toward what she can do with and for the boys. In the words of X, "She is Supermommy!" We all believe that and see it every day.
Yeah, we may be twice the age as some of these parents. but that also means we have WAY more life experiences and (hopefully) are a bit wiser than ourselves of 20 years ago. We fully embrace this new phase of life and, learning from our past mistakes, are determined to make this next 20 years the best years - with our whole world wrapped around what is best for the kids. While we love Alex and Erich, and, of course, are here when they want or need us, they are now grown and making their own decisions. We now get a chance to shape another set of lives - those of X and A.
Getting Caught Up: August 2011 Happenings
Vacation at Nanny's / Lunch Rehearsal / X Starts Kindergarten / A Starts a Three-Days-a-Week "Pre-School" Program
August is a relatively slow month for us (other than the record number of kids appointments), but mainly because we are preparing for going back to school!
Friday, August 12th - Sunday, August 14th - We take a three-day trip to Nanny's house in Nacogodoches for the last of the summer swimming at her house plus lots of other fun with Nanny! This is the last visit of the summer. Jack starts back to work on Tuesday.
Tuesday, August 16th - Friday, August 19th - Jack does his annual "inservice" training and prepares for teaching the new school year. He will teach engineering, robotics, technology and reading dyslexia this year and is very excited about the classes!
Wednesday, August 10th - Lunch rehearsal for X and A. Last year X was in a half-day, afternoon pre-kindergarten program. That meant that he always ate lunch right before he went to school. This year he will be on his own for lunch for the first time at his all-day kindergarten. Melinda came up with the brilliant idea to have lunch rehearsal. Jack would make X and A's lunch every day and put it into their respective lunchboxes. When the alarm goes off at Noon, Melinda simulates a school bell (which is great fun to watch) and then the kids come in, sit at their Little Tykes Picnic Table and eat their lunch. This proved to be very, very valuable. Quickly we figured out that X had no idea how to work a thermos (since he had never needed to do it before), and needed to learn how to open the string cheese packages. Melinda also taught them how and WHAT to throw away in the trash and we tested out the brand new dinosaur cookie cutters. Jack makes both X and A peanut butter and jelly sandwiches each day and uses the cookie cutter (that has two opposing long-necked dinosaurs) to perfectly cut the boring square sandwich into two fun shapes. X and A both thought they were rock stars with such cool food. We did this all the way up until the first day of school. Of course, Jack HAS to make the lunch box for A as well as X so A does not feel left out. A carries the lunch box in the car just like his older brother and then brings it home. Guess what happens each day for A, Melinda "rings the bell" and A pulls out his lunch box and eats it at the table.
Thursday, August 18th - We get to meet X's teacher for the first time. Ms. Utterback's room looks like loads of fun and learning. She has X's name on a placard and placed on a table where he will sit in class each day. He was very excited, as was A (who just wanted to play with all the toys while we visited with her).
Monday, August 22nd - Melinda drops off X at school for his first day in Kindergarten (and his first full day away from her). When Melinda picks him up in the afternoon he is excited to tell her all about his adventures and new "friends." We were worried about this being an all-day adventure (and he is pretty tired when he gets home), but it looks like this might be O.K.
Wednesday, August 24th - We get to meet A's new teachers. A is only two years old (just about to turn three), but he has been by X's side since he was born except for the week-long stay in the hospital several months ago. We know he also needs regular socialization with OTHER children - especially his own age - so we enrolled him in a three-day-a-week "pre-school" program at a very nearby church that meets from 8:45 to 11:45, Monday, Wednesday and Friday. We think this should provide the right balance. This is a true educational curriculum that is faith-based. It is NOT a daycare or play center. We wanted him to start developing a bit of structured routine. All the therapists / doctors that we see think this should help.
Monday, August 29th - A's first day of "school." After a bit of apprehension about going to his class, A jumped right in and had lots to talk about when he got home when eating from his lunch box - yes - at the kitchen table.
The end of a month, but the start of a school year!
August is a relatively slow month for us (other than the record number of kids appointments), but mainly because we are preparing for going back to school!
Friday, August 12th - Sunday, August 14th - We take a three-day trip to Nanny's house in Nacogodoches for the last of the summer swimming at her house plus lots of other fun with Nanny! This is the last visit of the summer. Jack starts back to work on Tuesday.
Tuesday, August 16th - Friday, August 19th - Jack does his annual "inservice" training and prepares for teaching the new school year. He will teach engineering, robotics, technology and reading dyslexia this year and is very excited about the classes!
Wednesday, August 10th - Lunch rehearsal for X and A. Last year X was in a half-day, afternoon pre-kindergarten program. That meant that he always ate lunch right before he went to school. This year he will be on his own for lunch for the first time at his all-day kindergarten. Melinda came up with the brilliant idea to have lunch rehearsal. Jack would make X and A's lunch every day and put it into their respective lunchboxes. When the alarm goes off at Noon, Melinda simulates a school bell (which is great fun to watch) and then the kids come in, sit at their Little Tykes Picnic Table and eat their lunch. This proved to be very, very valuable. Quickly we figured out that X had no idea how to work a thermos (since he had never needed to do it before), and needed to learn how to open the string cheese packages. Melinda also taught them how and WHAT to throw away in the trash and we tested out the brand new dinosaur cookie cutters. Jack makes both X and A peanut butter and jelly sandwiches each day and uses the cookie cutter (that has two opposing long-necked dinosaurs) to perfectly cut the boring square sandwich into two fun shapes. X and A both thought they were rock stars with such cool food. We did this all the way up until the first day of school. Of course, Jack HAS to make the lunch box for A as well as X so A does not feel left out. A carries the lunch box in the car just like his older brother and then brings it home. Guess what happens each day for A, Melinda "rings the bell" and A pulls out his lunch box and eats it at the table.
Thursday, August 18th - We get to meet X's teacher for the first time. Ms. Utterback's room looks like loads of fun and learning. She has X's name on a placard and placed on a table where he will sit in class each day. He was very excited, as was A (who just wanted to play with all the toys while we visited with her).
Monday, August 22nd - Melinda drops off X at school for his first day in Kindergarten (and his first full day away from her). When Melinda picks him up in the afternoon he is excited to tell her all about his adventures and new "friends." We were worried about this being an all-day adventure (and he is pretty tired when he gets home), but it looks like this might be O.K.
Wednesday, August 24th - We get to meet A's new teachers. A is only two years old (just about to turn three), but he has been by X's side since he was born except for the week-long stay in the hospital several months ago. We know he also needs regular socialization with OTHER children - especially his own age - so we enrolled him in a three-day-a-week "pre-school" program at a very nearby church that meets from 8:45 to 11:45, Monday, Wednesday and Friday. We think this should provide the right balance. This is a true educational curriculum that is faith-based. It is NOT a daycare or play center. We wanted him to start developing a bit of structured routine. All the therapists / doctors that we see think this should help.
Monday, August 29th - A's first day of "school." After a bit of apprehension about going to his class, A jumped right in and had lots to talk about when he got home when eating from his lunch box - yes - at the kitchen table.
The end of a month, but the start of a school year!
Getting Caught Up: July 2011 Happenings
Big Summer Vacation #1: (Brooks and Harrisons Pizza Dinner / Galveston Beach / Car and Camera Drama / Jenifer and James Fun / Star Spangled Salute (with Puffy, too) / Alex and Erich Visits / Fun at the Beach House with the Matthews) / Tapestry Water Park / Swimming and Dinner with the Joslins / Big Summer Vacation #2: (Farm Fun with Grandma and Papa / Nanny's House) / X and A - 1 year Anniversary / Dinner with the Taylors
July was an insanely busy, but a very fun month!
Friday, July 1st - We packed up the car with some lunch and snacks provided by the Brooks family (Melinda's Aunt Patti and Uncle Gary) and headed to Galveston Island (1 1/2 hours away from their house). It was very hot and we had some problems with our feet burning on the sand as we walked to and from the car. Other than that, we had an awesome time with X and A playing in the ocean, building sand castles and checking out the sea life that washes up on the shore (or lives there). We were covered in sand and seem to have brought much of it back into the car. We stopped by Alex's apartment (our 24-year-old son living in downtown Houston) intending to change into clean clothes, but it was getting too close to time for bad Houston traffic and so we just dropped Jack off and headed back to our "home base" for the week (Patti and Gary's house). That night we got to eat with the Harrisons (more relatives) and, since Alex drove Jack back to the house, Alex was able to join us. We took some great pictures with our favorite camera.
Saturday, July 2nd - Where is our favorite camera? Melinda evidently left it in.... OK... it was I (Jack) who was responsible for it and probably left it at the restaurant. A quick call to the restaurant left us very sad. They said that they did not see it, but we were free to come check later that morning when they opened. Gary and Jack decided to go look over the restaurant, but first needed to stop by a car wash and get the Lexus clean to get all the Galveston sand out of it.
RELEVANT SIDE NOTE: For the prior few weeks the car had been showing an "Engine Trouble" light and we occasionally had some problems with the car dying at stop signs and lights and even when going very slow (low RPMs). This is NOT good when on a stop-and-go freeway (like in Houston) and all power goes out including the power steering! Jack had tried to get it fixed before the trip, but the car shops that we trust were too booked up before the holiday. As an aside, we have a small crack in the Lexus key (which is exceptionally expensive to replace since it has a transponder built in it). Not a problem since we know how to keep it from falling apart.
Now...back to the car wash....
Remember that key that had the crack that WE knew how to nurse? The car wash guys completely SHATTERED it! It is hard to explain, but basically all was left was a sharp metal part of the key in the ignition and the transponder (with no housing) was sitting on the dash. The guy that moved the car out of the car wash literally ran off.
Long story, somewhat shorter - Gary and I (Jack) had to drive all over north Houston with the razor-sharp key (that often had to be turned since the car kept dying), got a new key made and found the camera in the restaurant under the chairs where we sat. [BTW, after returning from the vacation, we immediately got the car fixed - both oxygen sensors and related computer hardware had died.]
Now where were we going before all this happened? Oh, yeah, to see Jennifer and James (and their kids Owen and Warren). We obviously left much later than we had anticipated, but at least we had a new key and, more importantly, our camera!
We had a great time with our oldest and dearest "couple" friends. All four kids played in their swimming pool, the sand box (like Galveston Beach was not enough sand for one vacation) and we ate some more awesome pizza.
We headed back to home base very satisfied after a very rough start to the day!
Sunday, July 3rd - We relaxed and recovered with Gary and Patty. X and A got to drive a battery-powered mini-car around the cul-de-sac as we all cringed (hoping to stop the mini-car from being smashed into our real cars). X did a much better job of handling and controlling the speed, but we are reminded why A and other 2-year-olds are NOT given drivers' licenses - he was wacko! They both had a blast and thought they were so big.
That evening we got to go with Gary and Patty to the "Star Spangled Salute" concert at the Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion (in The Woodlands). This was the event that we had planned the whole vacation around. Since Melinda used to be the marketing director there for 10 years, we were able to get some nice box seats. The event included some games and activities for the kids in the plaza, but culminated in a great concert by the Houston Symphony.
Before the concert, we got to eat out with Erich (our 21-year-old son), who came down from Austin to perform as Puffy the Pine Cone (The Woodlands mascot) at the event. The kids got pictures with Puffy and someday we will revel the secret that it was really Erich. Of course Puffy never talks and would never admit it. X and A adore both Alex and Erich and sometimes refer to them as their older brothers (which we hope will be the case some day!) Alex and Erich are fully supportive of us adopting and also really love them back.
While the kids were a bit antsy leading up to the actual symphony performance, once it got started and the accompanying light show kicked off, they seemed to have a blast dancing around to the music. The long trip was worth it to see them enjoy this. It was everything we could have hoped for and more!
We head to home base and sleep hard because July 4th is going to be a big day as well.
Monday, July 4th - We pack everything up and leave home base at the Brooks pretty early so we can spend the next day and night at Aunt Carolyn ("Cita") and Uncle Guy ("Pop") Matthews beach house in Beach City.
When we arrive, X and A get to play with Carter and Cally (daughters of Melinda's cousin Heather and her husband Paul). Later we all get to go out on the boat and the kids get to "drive" it with brackish water spraying their faces. Brackish water was a new term to us and is where the salt water from the ocean meets the fresh water from the rivers and tributaries. X thought he was on top of the world and for several days talked about Pop letting him drive the boat. Pop also asked him back to go fishing with him which made a lasting impression. We will have to come back for that experience when X gets a little older.
The beach house has an amazing view and we had to take advantage of playing in the shallow water a few times as well as playing with the "Slip-N-Slide," the baby pool and huge "sand box" area. While the cousins headed back later in the day, we all spent the night in Pop and Cita's completely rebuilt house (that was wiped away down to the foundation after Hurricane Ike a few years earlier).
Tuesday, July 5th - Even though we could not see ANY fireworks this Independence Day vacation (due to extreme drought that caused fire bans all over the State of Texas), we had an incredible several days and were ready to head home. We broke up the long ride by stopping at our favorite family rest stop on I-45, BUC-EE'S (http://www.bucees.com/) where the kids had fun with all the animatronic characters and gigantic gift shop. Oddly enough, Melinda ran into an old Delta Delta Delta sorority sister there that she had been keeping up with on Facebook and who was very eager to meet the kids in person. Its a small world!
Finally we arrive home a bit travel-weary, but very happy!
Saturday, July 9th - After the big vacation, we kept it simple for a few days and just did all the kids appointments - until Saturday, that is. Irving Bible Church (NOT where we go to church, but where we go for foster care / adoption training and meetings called "Tapestry") had a big swim day at a local water park. Sadly A was feeling ill, so X and myself (Jack) went by ourselves.
X ran in to the water park and went nuts over the water slides! I actually thought he would be scared of the slides since they were so high (he is not a big fan of heights), but that we certainly not the case. He would run up the four stories of steps and get back in the short lines. Since this was "private party," there was never more than 3 or 4 kids in line on any given water feature.
While X swims reasonably well at home in our pool, it was a little harder to land in rushing water at the end of the slide (with a huge splash) and then get over to the side, so initially we both had to slide down at the same time (there were two slides side by side and I took the faster one), then I would quickly recover from the splashdown and get over his slide to pull him up from his splash down. After the 4th or 5th time, I just let him run up the stairs himself and I just waited with the waterproof camera we bought so I could get some pictures of this fun water play day. He must have done that slide 20 or more times that day.
X went on every single other water feature in the water park (it was the perfect size for us), but he kept coming back to the big slides all the way until they were closing the park and sending everyone home.
Sunday, July 10th - As a thank you for taking care of Speedy the Turtle while we were on vacation (which only consists of throwing 10 little food pellets in the tank), we had the Joslins back over for swimming and dinner. It was really just an excuse to have them over. Always a good visit and very fun for the boys!
Wednesday, July 13th - Saturday, July 16th - Big Summer Vacation #2. We went to Grandma and Papa's farm and Nanny's house. We did all the usual things, but were not as rushed as normal. Friends came over to both places and Melinda and Jack got to rest a little.
Sunday, July 17th - We go to our favorite drive-in movie theater in Ennis (Galaxy Drive-In) for a bit of "just the Nelson's family time."
Tuesday, July 26th - It was 365 days ago that X and A came into our lives. Melinda and Jack quietly celebrate with a "Happy Dance."
Saturday, July 30th - Another drive-in movie. While the first half of the month was all go-go-go, the second half has been much more calm and we needed a little time outside of the house.
Sunday, July 31st - Dinner and swimming with the Taylors at our house. Is there such a thing as too much splashing in the pool? The kids certainly don't think so. The adults have a nice chat while the kids run in circles playing and swimming for hours.
It was certainly a whirlwind of a month. Next month still has some summer plans in it, but also has X going back to school, but this time in Kindergarten!
July was an insanely busy, but a very fun month!
Friday, July 1st - We packed up the car with some lunch and snacks provided by the Brooks family (Melinda's Aunt Patti and Uncle Gary) and headed to Galveston Island (1 1/2 hours away from their house). It was very hot and we had some problems with our feet burning on the sand as we walked to and from the car. Other than that, we had an awesome time with X and A playing in the ocean, building sand castles and checking out the sea life that washes up on the shore (or lives there). We were covered in sand and seem to have brought much of it back into the car. We stopped by Alex's apartment (our 24-year-old son living in downtown Houston) intending to change into clean clothes, but it was getting too close to time for bad Houston traffic and so we just dropped Jack off and headed back to our "home base" for the week (Patti and Gary's house). That night we got to eat with the Harrisons (more relatives) and, since Alex drove Jack back to the house, Alex was able to join us. We took some great pictures with our favorite camera.
Saturday, July 2nd - Where is our favorite camera? Melinda evidently left it in.... OK... it was I (Jack) who was responsible for it and probably left it at the restaurant. A quick call to the restaurant left us very sad. They said that they did not see it, but we were free to come check later that morning when they opened. Gary and Jack decided to go look over the restaurant, but first needed to stop by a car wash and get the Lexus clean to get all the Galveston sand out of it.
RELEVANT SIDE NOTE: For the prior few weeks the car had been showing an "Engine Trouble" light and we occasionally had some problems with the car dying at stop signs and lights and even when going very slow (low RPMs). This is NOT good when on a stop-and-go freeway (like in Houston) and all power goes out including the power steering! Jack had tried to get it fixed before the trip, but the car shops that we trust were too booked up before the holiday. As an aside, we have a small crack in the Lexus key (which is exceptionally expensive to replace since it has a transponder built in it). Not a problem since we know how to keep it from falling apart.
Now...back to the car wash....
Remember that key that had the crack that WE knew how to nurse? The car wash guys completely SHATTERED it! It is hard to explain, but basically all was left was a sharp metal part of the key in the ignition and the transponder (with no housing) was sitting on the dash. The guy that moved the car out of the car wash literally ran off.
Long story, somewhat shorter - Gary and I (Jack) had to drive all over north Houston with the razor-sharp key (that often had to be turned since the car kept dying), got a new key made and found the camera in the restaurant under the chairs where we sat. [BTW, after returning from the vacation, we immediately got the car fixed - both oxygen sensors and related computer hardware had died.]
Now where were we going before all this happened? Oh, yeah, to see Jennifer and James (and their kids Owen and Warren). We obviously left much later than we had anticipated, but at least we had a new key and, more importantly, our camera!
We had a great time with our oldest and dearest "couple" friends. All four kids played in their swimming pool, the sand box (like Galveston Beach was not enough sand for one vacation) and we ate some more awesome pizza.
We headed back to home base very satisfied after a very rough start to the day!
Sunday, July 3rd - We relaxed and recovered with Gary and Patty. X and A got to drive a battery-powered mini-car around the cul-de-sac as we all cringed (hoping to stop the mini-car from being smashed into our real cars). X did a much better job of handling and controlling the speed, but we are reminded why A and other 2-year-olds are NOT given drivers' licenses - he was wacko! They both had a blast and thought they were so big.
That evening we got to go with Gary and Patty to the "Star Spangled Salute" concert at the Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion (in The Woodlands). This was the event that we had planned the whole vacation around. Since Melinda used to be the marketing director there for 10 years, we were able to get some nice box seats. The event included some games and activities for the kids in the plaza, but culminated in a great concert by the Houston Symphony.
Before the concert, we got to eat out with Erich (our 21-year-old son), who came down from Austin to perform as Puffy the Pine Cone (The Woodlands mascot) at the event. The kids got pictures with Puffy and someday we will revel the secret that it was really Erich. Of course Puffy never talks and would never admit it. X and A adore both Alex and Erich and sometimes refer to them as their older brothers (which we hope will be the case some day!) Alex and Erich are fully supportive of us adopting and also really love them back.
While the kids were a bit antsy leading up to the actual symphony performance, once it got started and the accompanying light show kicked off, they seemed to have a blast dancing around to the music. The long trip was worth it to see them enjoy this. It was everything we could have hoped for and more!
We head to home base and sleep hard because July 4th is going to be a big day as well.
Monday, July 4th - We pack everything up and leave home base at the Brooks pretty early so we can spend the next day and night at Aunt Carolyn ("Cita") and Uncle Guy ("Pop") Matthews beach house in Beach City.
When we arrive, X and A get to play with Carter and Cally (daughters of Melinda's cousin Heather and her husband Paul). Later we all get to go out on the boat and the kids get to "drive" it with brackish water spraying their faces. Brackish water was a new term to us and is where the salt water from the ocean meets the fresh water from the rivers and tributaries. X thought he was on top of the world and for several days talked about Pop letting him drive the boat. Pop also asked him back to go fishing with him which made a lasting impression. We will have to come back for that experience when X gets a little older.
The beach house has an amazing view and we had to take advantage of playing in the shallow water a few times as well as playing with the "Slip-N-Slide," the baby pool and huge "sand box" area. While the cousins headed back later in the day, we all spent the night in Pop and Cita's completely rebuilt house (that was wiped away down to the foundation after Hurricane Ike a few years earlier).
Tuesday, July 5th - Even though we could not see ANY fireworks this Independence Day vacation (due to extreme drought that caused fire bans all over the State of Texas), we had an incredible several days and were ready to head home. We broke up the long ride by stopping at our favorite family rest stop on I-45, BUC-EE'S (http://www.bucees.com/) where the kids had fun with all the animatronic characters and gigantic gift shop. Oddly enough, Melinda ran into an old Delta Delta Delta sorority sister there that she had been keeping up with on Facebook and who was very eager to meet the kids in person. Its a small world!
Finally we arrive home a bit travel-weary, but very happy!
Saturday, July 9th - After the big vacation, we kept it simple for a few days and just did all the kids appointments - until Saturday, that is. Irving Bible Church (NOT where we go to church, but where we go for foster care / adoption training and meetings called "Tapestry") had a big swim day at a local water park. Sadly A was feeling ill, so X and myself (Jack) went by ourselves.
X ran in to the water park and went nuts over the water slides! I actually thought he would be scared of the slides since they were so high (he is not a big fan of heights), but that we certainly not the case. He would run up the four stories of steps and get back in the short lines. Since this was "private party," there was never more than 3 or 4 kids in line on any given water feature.
While X swims reasonably well at home in our pool, it was a little harder to land in rushing water at the end of the slide (with a huge splash) and then get over to the side, so initially we both had to slide down at the same time (there were two slides side by side and I took the faster one), then I would quickly recover from the splashdown and get over his slide to pull him up from his splash down. After the 4th or 5th time, I just let him run up the stairs himself and I just waited with the waterproof camera we bought so I could get some pictures of this fun water play day. He must have done that slide 20 or more times that day.
X went on every single other water feature in the water park (it was the perfect size for us), but he kept coming back to the big slides all the way until they were closing the park and sending everyone home.
Sunday, July 10th - As a thank you for taking care of Speedy the Turtle while we were on vacation (which only consists of throwing 10 little food pellets in the tank), we had the Joslins back over for swimming and dinner. It was really just an excuse to have them over. Always a good visit and very fun for the boys!
Wednesday, July 13th - Saturday, July 16th - Big Summer Vacation #2. We went to Grandma and Papa's farm and Nanny's house. We did all the usual things, but were not as rushed as normal. Friends came over to both places and Melinda and Jack got to rest a little.
Sunday, July 17th - We go to our favorite drive-in movie theater in Ennis (Galaxy Drive-In) for a bit of "just the Nelson's family time."
Tuesday, July 26th - It was 365 days ago that X and A came into our lives. Melinda and Jack quietly celebrate with a "Happy Dance."
Saturday, July 30th - Another drive-in movie. While the first half of the month was all go-go-go, the second half has been much more calm and we needed a little time outside of the house.
Sunday, July 31st - Dinner and swimming with the Taylors at our house. Is there such a thing as too much splashing in the pool? The kids certainly don't think so. The adults have a nice chat while the kids run in circles playing and swimming for hours.
It was certainly a whirlwind of a month. Next month still has some summer plans in it, but also has X going back to school, but this time in Kindergarten!
Getting Caught Up: June 2011 Happenings
Therapeutic Equine Camp / Water Play at School / Pre-School Graduation / Mediation at Court / Milestone: Over 200 Appointments Attended / Rangers Games / Farm Visit / "The Great Race" VBS / Dinner and Swimming with Friends
Wednesday, June 1st - X had "Water Play Day" at school with lots of fun, wet activities. The final week of school has plenty of fun activities.
Thursday, June 2nd - X had graduation and our youngest son, Erich (21 years-old and who both kids love to be with), got to be there to watch the show and celebrate with X.He left a few days later, but enjoyed his time.
Monday, June 6th - Friday, June 10th - Equine (Horse) Camp for X. Late May we were made aware of an opportunity by "Friends of Wednesday's Child," (http://www.wedchild.org/) an incredible not-for-profit group created to support foster families. They were sending foster children to a half-day therapeutic horse camp in a town about an hour away, but the kids must have been in kindergarten for a year (they wanted kids that were already used to a classroom structure). Jack plead for X since he had been in pre-K all year (which had structure) and was already 5. Jack's plea fell on kind ears of the director and she made an exception. Each day we drove 1 1/2 hours (due to Dallas area traffic) and 1 hour back to this awesome camp (from 8:30 - 12:30).
X fired-up and branded a real cow hide, made daily crafts, learned how to track "bad guys" like a real Texas Ranger (which the tracker who taught the class really was), groomed and fed horses, went on hay rides and best of all - rode both bareback and with a saddle on horses every day.
At the beginning of the week, X was still in his mindset of, "I can't do this," but by the end of the week his confidence soared and he saw that he could. This was easily the most impacting, confidence-boosting thing he has done and we are very grateful for the opportunity. While we had to miss Tuesday due to court, Monday, Wednesday and Thursday Jack was there to record it all and share in his excitement and Friday Melinda got her chance to see all the improvements and celebrate his graduation.
Tuesday, June 7th - Melinda and Jack went to mediation at the Dallas County Court House. We were hoping and somewhat expecting that the birth parents would sign over their rights to the children (in exchange for an open adoption agreement that let them still see the boys on a regular basis).
Unofficially, we also agreed to (though it would not be part of the mediation) provide regular photos (via the Internet) and offer this blog for both birth parents and the maternal grandmother (who is very close with X and A) to keep up with what the boys were doing.
We were told that the only parties that can negotiate the terms of the termination of the parent rights are CPS and the birth parents (and their attorneys, of course) [UPDATE: THIS INFORMATION WAS INACCURATE. FOSTER PARENTS DO NEGOTIATE - READ 11/02/11]. We are only at the courthouse to be supportive of the process and, if asked by CPS, provide relevant information. CPS may also run into a negotiation that they may choose to ask our opinions about (since the official plan is to place the kids with us), but it is 100% CPS's discretion as to what they offer and accept. The boys are free and clear for adoption after the termination of the rights of the parents (whether through mediation or through a trial). Only then does CPS then offer the children to us for adoption and we have to agree to whatever stipulations they have made prior with the birth parents. If we refused the stipulations then we cannot adopt them. This is why it is critical that CPS know what we are willing to accept. If we refused to meet every six months (or whatever the condition was), then CPS will not allow us to adopt them since we are legally bound by whatever we sign and could be held in contempt of court if we do not meet all the conditions. That is why we wait (rather impatiently) in the lobby of the court house.
So, what happened? We were shocked to find out that the biological father's brand new court-appointed attorney (whom he had never even seen before) filed for a six month extension to the case. The entire time for children in foster care is supposed to be 12 months max (ending August 1st in this case). The just-appointed attorney had to take 7 weeks of emergency medical leave starting the very next day and that would put the date that she would be ready just days before the State-mandated 12 month window. All extensions granted are for six months. So now the new date would be February 1st. Fortunately, there are no extensions past the 18 months.
Both birth parents declined to agree to the mediation terms offered them and it was proposed a home study be done on two relatives. This also came as a surprise because we and CPS thought that we were past that point. A big disappointment, but at least we did not lose them.
RANGERS GAME - Despite all this, we had already RSVPed to the annual Covenant Kids' (our foster care / adoption agency) summer party at The Ballpark. Every year they get the official Texas Rangers pavilion and provide us with hot dogs, hamburgers, chips and tea before a Rangers baseball game. We then get tickets for block seats to the game set aside for all CK families. While walking over to the park, Melinda slipped and landed partially on X - hurting her long-time injured knee plus slightly injuring X. It was a traumatic event and X was more concerned that Melinda was crying than the pain he felt. After a bit of rest, Melinda insisted that we continue to The Ballpark. The kids made it to the 3rd inning before getting so antsy that we needed to leave. We did not expect to make it the whole game - there are not many things that A enjoys that involves sitting in a chair. We had some fun, took some photos and headed home - the end of a long day.
As we headed home, Melinda and I laughed at what a crazy day it had been and were thankful. No matter what ends up happening, we are a happy family now and we get to have X and A for this slice in time.
Over 200 Appointments Attended - In June we passed a new milestone. While not detailed as much in these blogs, we have a tremendous amount of mandatory appointments that the kids attend. X attends bi-weekly speech therapies, bi-weekly occupational therapies and weekly play therapies. A has weekly ECI play therapies. They also both go to bi-monthly psychologist visits and have doctor's or dentist appointments almost every month. In the last 11 months we have averaged 1.1 doctor or therapist appointments EVERY SINGLE WEEKDAY. Yes, you read that right. This does NOT include all the social, recreational or educational activities (e.g. X's bi-weekly speech appointments in school, other school-related events outside of school time).
Saturday, June 11th - After a week of Saddle Up, Rangers baseball and mediation, Jack still gets to do "Holds Training" with Covenant Kids. This is a reminder that we are still foster parents and, due to the extension granted, may have another 8 months of State of Texas foster and adoptive care compliance. It is insane the amount of paperwork generated and the amount of training we need to maintain to our license. While we will intend to attend adoption seminars for life (or at least until the kids are grown and out of the house), we could be happy with a lot less regulatory-related training.
Thursday, June 16th - Saturday, June 18th - Off to the Farm! We rescheduled a few appointments so we could get 3 days away from everything and just slow it down a little. Of course we had to plan this way in advance and get our foster care agency's approval since we were going over 48 hours with the kids, so things like this are never spontaneous.
Papa and Grandma Nelson (Jack's parents) had fun showing X and A the new baby chicks, riding all over the farm in the golf cart and tractors, exploring the woods, the trails and the ponds full of ducks, geese and swans and observing the cows and other livestock. X and A also played in the water, played with the dogs and just played with toys including bicycles and "Big Wheels." We got plenty of great photos to show the birth parents and just for the kids' memories later on.
While we would have liked to stay through Sunday, Jack volunteers to oversee the live multimedia of church service (which includes all the videotaped and live elements, 4 camera, PowerPoint slide shows, etc.). Rehearsal starts at 7:00 AM to get ready for the two church services (that end around 1:00 PM), so we always have to get home at a reasonable time on Saturday.
We really like the mega-church that we attend. We specifically chose it for the exceptionally strong moral and spiritual curriculum and the activities that they do with kids. This curriculum is so well developed that it is sold to other churches around the world.
Monday, June 20th - Friday, June 24th - From 6:00 - 9:00 each night X and A attend a full blown kids church extravaganza called "The Great Race." Some would consider this "vacation Bible school" (VBS). A mostly stays in his individual room and plays with toy and games (which he loves to do with his "friends"), builds crafts and listens to short lessons. He then goes out and jumps in the carefully-supervised bounce houses and plays with bigger toys. X does all this, plus learns lots of songs and line dances plus gets to enjoy the other insanely huge bounce houses with major obstacle course, gigantic slides and more. At 8:15 each night is the big evening show. Once again, Jack oversees the multimedia production part of the show. Each night it is a full-blown 45 minute play with lots of interaction with the hundreds of kids in audience, who "help" the characters choose to do the "right" things. Both kids look forward to the evening event and talk about it all day long. The late night show leaves them a little tired in the morning, so they sleep late.
Sunday, June 25th - Dinner and Swimming with the Joslins and Mitchells. Brand new friends of ours joined us and the Joslins for swimming and dinner at our house. Plenty of kids A and X's age running and splashing around.
Sunday, June 26th - Friends of Wednesdays Child (see above) offered us Texas Rangers game tickets, so we decided to try it again.We brought some healthy snacks and plenty of water and then also had Lemon Chills for dessert. This went about the same - 3 innings before the kids were ready to head home. X is learning the game, but A just does not care (which is not uncommon given his age). This also happened to be the night they gave away kids-sized official Texas Ranger gloves to everyone under 12, so both got a neat take-home present. We will buy them a soft bat and ball later this week and try a little batting practice.
Monday, June 27th - Melinda and Jack quietly celebrate 11 months having X and A.
Thursday, June 30th - A gets an ECI evaluation for preparing for school. Yes, he is still only 2, but State law requires that he be evaluated before his 3rd birth date to determine what services he might need when entering school. It is determined he will need very little in the way of educational supports and is on track for his age. He has come so far in the last 11 months - from not even speaking until not able to be quiet :-).
Immediately after the evaluation (around 5:00 PM) we head off to Houston to start a week-long vacation (see next month for details).
Wednesday, June 1st - X had "Water Play Day" at school with lots of fun, wet activities. The final week of school has plenty of fun activities.
Thursday, June 2nd - X had graduation and our youngest son, Erich (21 years-old and who both kids love to be with), got to be there to watch the show and celebrate with X.He left a few days later, but enjoyed his time.
Monday, June 6th - Friday, June 10th - Equine (Horse) Camp for X. Late May we were made aware of an opportunity by "Friends of Wednesday's Child," (http://www.wedchild.org/) an incredible not-for-profit group created to support foster families. They were sending foster children to a half-day therapeutic horse camp in a town about an hour away, but the kids must have been in kindergarten for a year (they wanted kids that were already used to a classroom structure). Jack plead for X since he had been in pre-K all year (which had structure) and was already 5. Jack's plea fell on kind ears of the director and she made an exception. Each day we drove 1 1/2 hours (due to Dallas area traffic) and 1 hour back to this awesome camp (from 8:30 - 12:30).
X fired-up and branded a real cow hide, made daily crafts, learned how to track "bad guys" like a real Texas Ranger (which the tracker who taught the class really was), groomed and fed horses, went on hay rides and best of all - rode both bareback and with a saddle on horses every day.
At the beginning of the week, X was still in his mindset of, "I can't do this," but by the end of the week his confidence soared and he saw that he could. This was easily the most impacting, confidence-boosting thing he has done and we are very grateful for the opportunity. While we had to miss Tuesday due to court, Monday, Wednesday and Thursday Jack was there to record it all and share in his excitement and Friday Melinda got her chance to see all the improvements and celebrate his graduation.
Tuesday, June 7th - Melinda and Jack went to mediation at the Dallas County Court House. We were hoping and somewhat expecting that the birth parents would sign over their rights to the children (in exchange for an open adoption agreement that let them still see the boys on a regular basis).
Unofficially, we also agreed to (though it would not be part of the mediation) provide regular photos (via the Internet) and offer this blog for both birth parents and the maternal grandmother (who is very close with X and A) to keep up with what the boys were doing.
We were told that the only parties that can negotiate the terms of the termination of the parent rights are CPS and the birth parents (and their attorneys, of course) [UPDATE: THIS INFORMATION WAS INACCURATE. FOSTER PARENTS DO NEGOTIATE - READ 11/02/11]. We are only at the courthouse to be supportive of the process and, if asked by CPS, provide relevant information. CPS may also run into a negotiation that they may choose to ask our opinions about (since the official plan is to place the kids with us), but it is 100% CPS's discretion as to what they offer and accept. The boys are free and clear for adoption after the termination of the rights of the parents (whether through mediation or through a trial). Only then does CPS then offer the children to us for adoption and we have to agree to whatever stipulations they have made prior with the birth parents. If we refused the stipulations then we cannot adopt them. This is why it is critical that CPS know what we are willing to accept. If we refused to meet every six months (or whatever the condition was), then CPS will not allow us to adopt them since we are legally bound by whatever we sign and could be held in contempt of court if we do not meet all the conditions. That is why we wait (rather impatiently) in the lobby of the court house.
So, what happened? We were shocked to find out that the biological father's brand new court-appointed attorney (whom he had never even seen before) filed for a six month extension to the case. The entire time for children in foster care is supposed to be 12 months max (ending August 1st in this case). The just-appointed attorney had to take 7 weeks of emergency medical leave starting the very next day and that would put the date that she would be ready just days before the State-mandated 12 month window. All extensions granted are for six months. So now the new date would be February 1st. Fortunately, there are no extensions past the 18 months.
Both birth parents declined to agree to the mediation terms offered them and it was proposed a home study be done on two relatives. This also came as a surprise because we and CPS thought that we were past that point. A big disappointment, but at least we did not lose them.
RANGERS GAME - Despite all this, we had already RSVPed to the annual Covenant Kids' (our foster care / adoption agency) summer party at The Ballpark. Every year they get the official Texas Rangers pavilion and provide us with hot dogs, hamburgers, chips and tea before a Rangers baseball game. We then get tickets for block seats to the game set aside for all CK families. While walking over to the park, Melinda slipped and landed partially on X - hurting her long-time injured knee plus slightly injuring X. It was a traumatic event and X was more concerned that Melinda was crying than the pain he felt. After a bit of rest, Melinda insisted that we continue to The Ballpark. The kids made it to the 3rd inning before getting so antsy that we needed to leave. We did not expect to make it the whole game - there are not many things that A enjoys that involves sitting in a chair. We had some fun, took some photos and headed home - the end of a long day.
As we headed home, Melinda and I laughed at what a crazy day it had been and were thankful. No matter what ends up happening, we are a happy family now and we get to have X and A for this slice in time.
Over 200 Appointments Attended - In June we passed a new milestone. While not detailed as much in these blogs, we have a tremendous amount of mandatory appointments that the kids attend. X attends bi-weekly speech therapies, bi-weekly occupational therapies and weekly play therapies. A has weekly ECI play therapies. They also both go to bi-monthly psychologist visits and have doctor's or dentist appointments almost every month. In the last 11 months we have averaged 1.1 doctor or therapist appointments EVERY SINGLE WEEKDAY. Yes, you read that right. This does NOT include all the social, recreational or educational activities (e.g. X's bi-weekly speech appointments in school, other school-related events outside of school time).
Saturday, June 11th - After a week of Saddle Up, Rangers baseball and mediation, Jack still gets to do "Holds Training" with Covenant Kids. This is a reminder that we are still foster parents and, due to the extension granted, may have another 8 months of State of Texas foster and adoptive care compliance. It is insane the amount of paperwork generated and the amount of training we need to maintain to our license. While we will intend to attend adoption seminars for life (or at least until the kids are grown and out of the house), we could be happy with a lot less regulatory-related training.
Thursday, June 16th - Saturday, June 18th - Off to the Farm! We rescheduled a few appointments so we could get 3 days away from everything and just slow it down a little. Of course we had to plan this way in advance and get our foster care agency's approval since we were going over 48 hours with the kids, so things like this are never spontaneous.
Papa and Grandma Nelson (Jack's parents) had fun showing X and A the new baby chicks, riding all over the farm in the golf cart and tractors, exploring the woods, the trails and the ponds full of ducks, geese and swans and observing the cows and other livestock. X and A also played in the water, played with the dogs and just played with toys including bicycles and "Big Wheels." We got plenty of great photos to show the birth parents and just for the kids' memories later on.
While we would have liked to stay through Sunday, Jack volunteers to oversee the live multimedia of church service (which includes all the videotaped and live elements, 4 camera, PowerPoint slide shows, etc.). Rehearsal starts at 7:00 AM to get ready for the two church services (that end around 1:00 PM), so we always have to get home at a reasonable time on Saturday.
We really like the mega-church that we attend. We specifically chose it for the exceptionally strong moral and spiritual curriculum and the activities that they do with kids. This curriculum is so well developed that it is sold to other churches around the world.
Monday, June 20th - Friday, June 24th - From 6:00 - 9:00 each night X and A attend a full blown kids church extravaganza called "The Great Race." Some would consider this "vacation Bible school" (VBS). A mostly stays in his individual room and plays with toy and games (which he loves to do with his "friends"), builds crafts and listens to short lessons. He then goes out and jumps in the carefully-supervised bounce houses and plays with bigger toys. X does all this, plus learns lots of songs and line dances plus gets to enjoy the other insanely huge bounce houses with major obstacle course, gigantic slides and more. At 8:15 each night is the big evening show. Once again, Jack oversees the multimedia production part of the show. Each night it is a full-blown 45 minute play with lots of interaction with the hundreds of kids in audience, who "help" the characters choose to do the "right" things. Both kids look forward to the evening event and talk about it all day long. The late night show leaves them a little tired in the morning, so they sleep late.
Sunday, June 25th - Dinner and Swimming with the Joslins and Mitchells. Brand new friends of ours joined us and the Joslins for swimming and dinner at our house. Plenty of kids A and X's age running and splashing around.
Sunday, June 26th - Friends of Wednesdays Child (see above) offered us Texas Rangers game tickets, so we decided to try it again.We brought some healthy snacks and plenty of water and then also had Lemon Chills for dessert. This went about the same - 3 innings before the kids were ready to head home. X is learning the game, but A just does not care (which is not uncommon given his age). This also happened to be the night they gave away kids-sized official Texas Ranger gloves to everyone under 12, so both got a neat take-home present. We will buy them a soft bat and ball later this week and try a little batting practice.
Monday, June 27th - Melinda and Jack quietly celebrate 11 months having X and A.
Thursday, June 30th - A gets an ECI evaluation for preparing for school. Yes, he is still only 2, but State law requires that he be evaluated before his 3rd birth date to determine what services he might need when entering school. It is determined he will need very little in the way of educational supports and is on track for his age. He has come so far in the last 11 months - from not even speaking until not able to be quiet :-).
Immediately after the evaluation (around 5:00 PM) we head off to Houston to start a week-long vacation (see next month for details).
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